ALright, I need some advice. Here is a quick summary;
HS sweethearts married 8 years Son - 5 yrs Twin daughters - 3 yrs
seperated Aug 05 divorced Sept 06 EW has had two BF since seperation. First was a fling...Current,been dating for 2-3 months is now live in.
In short, the marriage was great. We had the normal issues in marriage... sex(lack of), money troubles, family. EW made me aware she was unhappy, I did the same. Neither of us did anything beyond that...
During our seperation, I did everything most guys here did... begged and pleaded, till it drove her away. Basically,I ruined any chance I had to reconcile. She finaly filed for divorce. I have come along way. I've had thoughts of sucicide(no longer an issue), I've come to terms with whats happening, so have her family(that stuck by my side through all of this). I've been talking with a church leader and have come to the conclusion. I've dont terrible things to my EW all in the name of PAYBACK. The pain i feel isnt because of what she's done to me, the pain is there becuase I'm not letting my true feelings show. My true feelings are; I love my EW more than she will ever know and if I cant have the Love/romance portion, I"ll just have to settle for second best... her friendship. Ive told my EW numerous times how I've really fee about her and what I want from her. I and the feelings havent changed.
Now my question is simple... do I still play the DB game or do I do as a true friend would do? Do I only approach her on legal or children issues and leave the ball in her court? Do I call her daily, help her with things when she needs something... be a true friend? What I am trying to avoid here is digging myself into a deep hole that I'm slowly crawling out of. At the same time, I dont want to hurt my chances of her seeing the new improved changing (cause I'm not changed completely) man.
As for me, I GAL or at least trying to. I have my good days and bad days. I've joined a bowling league and soccer league. I started to go back to church(one thing the EW wanted to do) along with the kids. Work keeps me busy too.
Any advice or comments would greatly appriciative.
Like me....you are D. PERIOD. You want to keep DBing...then do so...it will improve you now.
Be a true friend....BUT....do only as much as a true friend would do...nothing more. No calling all the time.....that is pure pursuing...won't get you anywhere...time to radiate a cool dude look....
If she wasn't with someone I would say try to be friends, but she is with someone, so I don't think that will go over so hot. I'd let her dictate what your relationship will be from here on out, and take this time to move forward with your own life. You won't attract her back to you with pursuit. She might get curious later when this new guys shine has worn off.
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
