Hi Folks ! I've been going through this for 3 years now. I have a WAW who has been dealing with MLC for about 3 1/2 - 4 years. We will actually be divorced 2 years on Xmas eve. She remarried and moved to another state and is now planning on divorcing the other man because she is coming out of the tunnel and seeing what the rest of us could see many years ago. She says she is also coming back home to live in a spare bedroom no doubt to see what happens with us.
I have followed all the principles and suggestions of this group and I'm happy to say that they really do work, at least in my case. BUT, what is difficult to communicate to someone just starting this journey is how long and difficult a ride this is.
Sometimes reading the posts of those just starting out and the psycho analyzing of every word of our ailing spouses gives me great pain. Yes you will witness horrifying actions by your loved one that will cause you great pain to the very core of your being. BUT, you have to realize this IS going to happen and be prepared for it. Don't focus on the little painful details, FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE.
My ride is nowhere near over either. If things work out the way I would like them to it will probably be 2 or 3 more years before I can say it's over.
My X keeps asking why I am standing by her after all she has done to our family and me. I haven't answered her question yet other than to say I care about her and I am her friend and always will be no matter what.
It takes extreme loyalty, unconditional love and very thick skin to do this. Oh, and HUGE AMOUNTS OF PATIENCE ! Nothing about these kinds of situations happens quickly. Your friends and family will brand you as mentally ill for pursuing this course of action which makes it all even that more difficult to do.
So, Good Luck to you all and God Bless your journey. Remember: FOCUS ON THE BIG PICTURE.... DaveA
You vote with your feet. Divorce final 12/24/2004 I Give Up !
Dave good for you and good luck. I am going through D in a couple of weeks. Do you think I should try and tell her what I like about her one last time or just keep dark.
JSD
Hillcountry
[color:"red"]I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it."
Thank you so much for posting this. It gave me a twinge because I have just given up on my xh and here you are, still being steadfast and true. Been a little longer for me, and I don't see any sign at all of my x coming out of the tunnel, so I have let him go completely.
It sounds as if your situation is turning around though and I am so very pleased for you. I know you will see this out to the end.
Your post will mean so much to so many people here, God Bless,
Jaybeexxxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
David, It's been a long ride for you. I vaguely recall your postings of the past, however, I'm glad to see you are still standing fast and returned to post your update.
Yes, they really do come out of the tunnel and your xw has begun to realize what a mess she created along the way while blazing through mlc. David, you are an inspiration to many and I do hope that you'll return again very soon to post another update.
I hope that everything works out for you and your xw. Please remember, she's going to have a lot of guilt for what she's done and patience, compassion and understanding will be the keys to getting the relationship back on track.
I wish you all of the best.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
David You really are such an inspiration to all of us here on this BB.
Quote: It takes extreme loyalty, unconditional love and very thick skin to do this. Oh, and HUGE AMOUNTS OF PATIENCE ! Nothing about these kinds of situations happens quickly. Your friends and family will brand you as mentally ill for pursuing this course of action which makes it all even that more difficult to do.
You hit the nail on its head!!!
I am so glad that some people stand for their M so very long! Good luck.
Your post talks of the difficulties, but it is still SO inspiring to read. I came across just when I DESPERATELY needed a boost and some energy to keep on in my MLC wife situation. I shall tackle today with renewed vigour. Wishing you the very best.
Good for you. TrueLove just referred me to your post because I was ssking if there were any success stories of reconciliation after divorce. I have been going through this for 2 years and 7 months. Our divorce will be final sometime in the next 3-4 weeks. I have a question for you. I wasn't very good at detaching and I have had a few emotional reactions to things H as done. He is also angry at me for asking for spousal support because I just began my career a year ago after being a stay at home mom. H makes more than twice my income and left me with many financial obligation and a house in bad need of repair. Do you think that these things will reduce my chances?
Okay enough about me, thank you so much for your inspirational post at a time when I really needed it. I will include you in my prayers.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Quote: It takes extreme loyalty, unconditional love and very thick skin to do this. Oh, and HUGE AMOUNTS OF PATIENCE ! Nothing about these kinds of situations happens quickly. Your friends and family will brand you as mentally ill for pursuing this course of action which makes it all even that more difficult to do.
And that quote is the gist of this whole MLC saga for all of us.
Thank you so much for posting that!!!
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Thanks for writing this...I feel like I focus too much on the little things and want to work more on patience and forgiveness...I want to be my H's friend...but you are right, seeing them do the nutso things they do is so painful.
I applaud you for standing and waiting patiently for your WAW to come to her senses...sort of.
Quote: It takes extreme loyalty, unconditional love and very thick skin to do this. Oh, and HUGE AMOUNTS OF PATIENCE ! Nothing about these kinds of situations happens quickly. Your friends and family will brand you as mentally ill for pursuing this course of action which makes it all even that more difficult to do.
Yes, I get that from people a lot too... Vali, you are crazy to do this; I would have D'd my H by now, etc... guess they can't see what I see.
I am glad that someone has a good story and not just a sad one...that hope springs eternal if you want it to...
God bless you.
Valentine
Aug '06: H moved out July '08: H had a kid with the OW May 12 '09: emancipation day
"Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
