This has got to be the most confusing day so far. I recently met a man who is by far my type. I have been seperated for about 7 months now from my H. (he left me after 10 yrs). So I meet this guy and we start a friendly conversation. I was honest with him and told him my situation, I didn't want to lead him on. He was a bit disappointed that I didn't want a relationship with him, but he understood. So we've been talking everyday and I've noticed that my thoughts are focusing more on this friendship. My H is making small changes thanks to the LRT but not enough to convince me he's missing me. Back to the new guy..........I feel like I'm back in college and just wanting to flirt. is this sane? is this safe? I do want my H back, but I just don't see him wanting me. i've been patient and anxiously awaiting for him to return, but no such luck. my hormones are driving me nuts!! is anyone else feeling the same????? somehow this guy is looking better and better to me. he's tall, dark and handsome.....am i over my H or am i just sexually frustrated? should i or should i not have a more friendlier relation with this person?
someone ....please tell me they've felt these "feelings" at least once during their seperation.
me = 34 H = 35 kids = 3 worst day of my life: march 24, 2006 he filed: april 20 Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
how long ago did your H leave? How long have you been trying LRT? Why don't you see your H wanting you back? Have you really given enough of a chance before you are ready to move on? You want approval to do what so many spouses do to hurt their W or H. I know you are separated, but you are still married. Feelings of infatuation are normal, but acting on them would not be good for you now. Give your H a chance to see changes in you that will make him want to come back, just give it a while longer. Good Luck and God Bless. L
I think you should do an honest gut check. see if you really think your husband is coming back, if so, then I wouldn't date. but if you honestly feel your husband is jerking your chain, then i'd say go for it. I'm not a big fan of blowing long stretches of time withering in pain while the WAS is out living a coors light commercial.
our time here isn't guaranteed. so if your husband isn't seriously, then don't waste your life.
hi verycrazy... i have been seperated for 7 months. he left and filed for divorce the following month. i have been doing the LRT for about 3 weeks now. i have seen small changes, as expected, but it's driving me insane that i can't just go up to my H and seduce him. i mean...i'm his wife and i'm supposed to feel comfortable seducing him. but reality hits. he's gone and there's not much i can do right now. i honestly do want our marriage to work. he is the first man i loved and he is the father of our kids.
guess i'll just have to go to church to get rid of these feelings. after all, sex with my own H is better.... thanks for the input.
me = 34 H = 35 kids = 3 worst day of my life: march 24, 2006 he filed: april 20 Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
i agree. i don't like waiting and waiting and waiting and finally i realize i'm old and unattractive. i'm 33 yrs old and i feel that i have changed physically and mentally. new hairdo, new clothes, new body, a new woman. i think i'm just going through some hasty emotions that i have no control over. SEXUAL FRUSTRATION!! the worst feeling. but, i love my H and i would not jeopardize my marriage. i know, he left. but i've never cheated on him and i don't think i should start. i think i'll stick my head in the bible tonight and just pray that these feelings go away....
wonder how the priests do it.....
me = 34 H = 35 kids = 3 worst day of my life: march 24, 2006 he filed: april 20 Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
Poor Mary.... I know how you feel! My H will be leaving in a few weeks,so he says, and I am 35 and very seriously sexually Frrrrustrated already! That is a hard one (no pun intended). I think you should go with the bible idea and maybe slam the cover down a good few times while your head is in there just to make sure, although I suspect it is not your head that is the guilty "part" so to speak. According to Dr. Joy Brown & Dr. Laura one should not date for one year after a divorce because you really need time to sort through all of your feelings and come to settled, peaceful terms with them. You don't want to mistakenly and possibly even unknowingly identify some of your STBx's traits within another and inadvertantly just end up with a replacement relationship with the potential for the same old problems. You need time to heal and grow and to become self sufficient and to give your H every last chance to come around because that is what we do when we make that vow of in sickness or in health.Mine is nuttier than multicolored monkey $h!t right now and I am looking almost forward to a break and hoping that the separation will allow him to figure it all out, in my favor, of course. God, I miss sex. That was one area where we were NEVER in disagreement. Go have a few chocolate bars, I think I read somewhere that chocolate can quell the urge for sex in some women to some extent. Well, gotta go and riffle through the pantry now. PLease pray up a Hershey bar or two for me in there, would ya? I'll do the same for you...(Gulp).
I've been physically separated from my W for a little longer than you, almost a year. We've been emotionally/sexually separated for about a year and one half. She is the WAW and I'm the LBS. About the same time in my separation (7 months) I had my first sexual encounter with a Woman half my age. This wasn't a whim on my part. This was a premeditated affair on my part. I wanted somebody I wouldn't hurt if by chance I didn't want to continue the affair. I had other boundaries.. not married, not separated, no kids involved, a very independent Woman was what I was looking for. I wanted to make sure this person was as far removed as possible from my family and friends. I didn't want my WAW to find out even though I think/thought She could care less. I didn't want to fall in love and have had my walls up for some time now. My motivation was physical (needy) and my ego was ruling my actions. This Woman was beautiful, intelligent, humorous, outgoing, financially/emotionally independent, with no kids or ex-husbands. Everything I thought I wanted in an affair and more. I've had several affairs/encounters since and all with much younger, unattached Woman. The same profile as my first.
All have been meaningless affairs for me. I have very little emotion afterwards and I sometimes find myself bored with their company. Maybe my WAW pushed me into a MLC myself, I don't know. One thing I know for sure, none of these Woman can make me feel like my W did when we made love.
This giddy feeling your describing sounds very familiar to me, it's the same feeling I had towards my first affair. It is very temporary and will not be a substitute for the one person you really care about, your H. As long as you put it in it's right perspective, it won't hurt you, but if you believe it's going to be some emotional pacifier for you while you await your H return, you may be disappointed.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I agree with you. I made the decision to get physically involved with this man. Not what I expected it to be. I made the mistake of comparing him to my H and it was a failure. I wanted to make love more than anything. I didn't want just casual sex. Well, I got casual sex and it was by far satisfying. I didn't regret it. I felt more guilty of not sustaining myself. I have more control of myself now than I ever have but I am lacking love. I have always been very sexual and my H and I didn't have problems there. So I thought. I haven't caught him with anyone and I sure hope I don't. I'm a jealous woman and that would devastate my self esteem.
About this young man. He is five years younger than me. Doesn't look it though. He's tall and handsome, something my H isn't. However, I do miss my H. there's no comparison as far as the love/affection. You're right about that. I can be with Brad Pitt and it still wouldn't be the same. What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I certainly don't want to be sleeping with men left and right; it's not right. My H doesn't even hint that he misses me much less want to come back. should i give up now? i'm so confused.
me = 34 H = 35 kids = 3 worst day of my life: march 24, 2006 he filed: april 20 Present day: Wedding ring on, he's looking forward to another baby, taking day by day, we talk about our feelings whenever possible.
Giving up has to be your decision and your decision only.
As for me, I never really gave up as much as gave in, If that makes sense. After awhile, you just get to the point where you don't have the energy to fight or try to control the situation anymore and you just let things happen on their own. It's really liberating once you get there.
It may not change your situation, but it sure helps with the anxiety, anger, sadness, remorse, etc your feeling. The whole range of emotions or what some describe as the "roller coaster" subsides and you start to relax a little more. You may even start to have some fun of your own for a change. Your focus shifts from them to yourself and kids if you have any.
I don't believe detachment is something you learn to do as much as something that happens naturally. I think we all as humans have our "breaking point" and than the shields come up. We detach to protect ourselves from the hurt and pain.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
