whatis, thanks for checking in. I am still in the boat so to speak. My biggest problem is effective communication at a deep level that leaves her feeling loved, respected, adored, etc. I have difficulity asking good probing questions of what she is feeling. Unfortuntly she is still communicating with OM, even though she had said she stopped. I caught her and confronted her about it. More hurt about the lying than the actual act. I should not be suprised from what I have read on the bb that this would happen. I need to focus on acting as if. Be the husband and father I want to be and let the chips fall will they may. Validating her feelings is a new skill set for me as well as learning to how to be her friend. Unfortuntly I am at a place where my every move is anaylized and reanaylized by more than just my w. She has made this all about me; however, if all we talk about is me then she feels a lack of respect and value. If I talk about her she quickly concludes that I am saying it is her fault for where we are. Need to remain focused on detaching from the old behaiver of ignoring the issues and hoping they would go away. If I do not confront issues I leave her frustrated. Trying to use problem solving skills; however, I have been very poor at gathering the data; therefore, I need a KITA to move forward. I am also trying to drop the rope and not compete. I have done a good job of understanding where we are at and where we both want to be, just not a good job of putting together a plan to get there.
flying solo, You chimed in on my post,and thank you for doing that, so I thought I'd check out yours. We do seem to have some similarities. I read your first post, and many of the others, but obviously not all.
I'm not feeling wise enough to give you great advise, but I will tell you that you (we) are fighting the good fight, we can succeed, and it will make us better, regardless of the outcome in our M's, in the end. Like you, I need words of encouragement. I used to get them from my W. My friends are good, but not always enough. We - I'll speak for everyone on in her - are rooting for you.
Feel free to post whenever. If you have the time, catch me up with your sitch.
It's scary, sad, and comforting in a way to see how many different people are in the same spot. It's also good to know there is a plan, and something we can do to make the sitch better for us and our kids, and with luck or Relationships.
nice to meet you. wish it were under different circumstances.
M45, W4,S15, D10,
Bomb 10/3/06, Moved back in 11/6/06
current thread
FS, there is a book that many here seem to like, It is called " The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. I've scimmed it before and it might be very helpful to you. It's not a hard reading book either. I believe it talks about the issues in communication you are mentioning. Take a look at it, see if it helps. Others seem to love it!
- are rooting for you.