Yep, that's my problem - just how to adjust "strategy" while remaining genuine and how to "detach" while remaining "in the game".
Now for the issue of professional help...
My W is seeing someone later on. I'm hoping that they are not the "discard the marriage" type and that they see some of her other problems (not eating, for example) not as symptomatic of a "bad marriage," but as being caused by underlying issues.
As I write that, it sounds incredibly self-serving. Sometimes I wonder whether it would be simply better for my W to believe whatever she wants, if that genuinely helps her out of what she's in right now.
Here's what happens when a WAW sees a psychologist who isn't "pro-marriage":
"Well, as nearly as I can tell, you don't need me. You are amazing, a really fascinating woman. When you do what you have to do (you know what this is), your anxiety will cease, and you'll be fine."
Apparently I'm the one who has lost touch with reality for wanting to stay married. My W is doing just fine, albeit still losing weight, albeit still (as she says) entertaining self-destructive thoughts, albeit still in some sort of relationship with weirdo OM.
Of course, she is acting as happy as could be. Except, of course, for those "sad" moments when she looks at me and says,"I love you" with a tone of voice you would use on someone entering prison on an IRS rap. Trans: "Never see you again..."
Of course, that's NOT it: my W still wants to do EVERYTHING with me, from going to the gym to cooking dinner.
She's just been hurt so much that she could never "put herself in that place again."
Folks, I'm no saint, but I'm not the drunken wife-beater type either. Trying to show that the things that bothered her are a thing of the past hasn't convinced her that the future could be otherwise than the past.
Plus, she's in love with some *-hole.
"Detachment" is such a joy.
Someone tell me whether this is a WAW or a MLC (or both) so I can assure myself that I haven't gone nuts.
Right now, I'm thinking that I'm the loose cog in the machine for wanting to hold on to something with my W.
