H left, filed for D and now we don't even speak. We went through college together and four years later married. I was really dumb back then, but we didn't get along. He was quite controlling...I was doing well in my job and met someone. H filed and left. No discussion...nothing. He was cheating on me all the time. When the movers came for my things Ow was there that night. H said he really loved me and that I don't know how much. H lives two miles from me and we do not talk. I went to his mother's funeral and he saw me. Two weeks later - he returned some things to my mother's house that I left.
How do I start a conversation with him.....we don't have any kids and I know he is dating. I still love him and think we were both too young at the time we married.
Kind of a weird post in the sense that you say you were dumb when you met and that you met someone at work and that he was cheating on you the whole time.....do you think that you guys were even meant for each other?
Quote: I still love him and think we were both too young at the time we married.
Do you think you *grew* in love with him or do you think that you ARE in love with him now? Are you still seeing that "someone" at work?
As far as communicating, I'd have to say that you should read some other posts on here....slow down...the world isn't going to end tomorrow....sounds like the REAL worst has happened. Now you have to step back think things through and start DBing from scratch. Do you have the DB book?
Lastly, you will get replies just be patient. This is also a DB thing you HAVE to learn. You'll get help...just hang in there. Let everyone catch up from the weekend.
What I meant was that I feel we were too young to get married or at least I was.
No I am not seeing OM now. Yes I still love my XH. The attention was there from the OM, love was not ever an issue...I never loved him.
What has me rattled is why my XH never asked me about him. I was too inexperienced to realize my XH was with OW.
Yes, I have the book....also it magnifies all that I did wrong. Pleading, crying, begging...it never worked. Maybe we were never meant to be married. Maybe it is too late. But I can't seem to move on. I know he still cares, but when I saw him last, the sight of him brought out all of the love I have for him. He was with Ow and she did not look that great.
I wouldn't say let him go but start getting a life first. This is the hardest thing for any of us here to do. Start with that one and then work towards the next step.....
I'll try that, but you know it's hard...my mind races so fast and covers too much territory. I realize my faults and he helped with his faults....but how can you pack up and pretend that I didn't exist?
You can't! Neither can he. I know that my kids mention things that their Mom says that they, the walk away spouse, remembers. I didn't think she said anything but I am not living with her. So...they MUST be thinking about us. There are not all terrible thoughts about us that they keep.
My mind was racing also in the beginning. I have learned to slow it down though...I know...you want results and you want them now. Guess what?? YOU WON'T GET THEM!!! I still love my XW but she already knows that. It is her that FEELS that she doesn't love me anymore...see what I'm getting at?
As the book says and everyone here....time is on our side....believe it or not.
I know the book says that...BUT......I don't feel like time is on my side. You have kids, they are your ties to XW. I don't have kids.......
I have to get this off my chest...I sent XH a surprise b-day gift. I know, no gifts...do the 180, etc. I made a mistake. I didn't sign the card, nor left a return address label. This was september, so far no returns. It was a signed baseball and card fromk T. Lasorda. I knew he would like it.
I was bad........but we always celebrated b-days. No news is good news....but, in my gut, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle...one he does not even know about.
Give yourself more credit than that. He KNOWS. He also knows who the gift is from. As far as the kids being ties....true but it doesn't chnage the fact that I have had as much communication with my XW as you have had with your XH......
Time...time IS on YOUR side.......it feels like everything is slipping away and there is no tomorrow annymore and everytime you hear a song or see some place you guys would go to or whatever....there he is in your mind. It sucks I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!
But...YOU have to start to move on...not out of his life or area or anything to that nature but yet start to make yourself that hot babe he found attractive in the first place. Other people will notice who still talk to him, email him, or phone him....your name WILL come up.
I would say don't worry but that is all we seem to do when this happens to us. Like my XW said....I had the opportunities to do something a while ago but chose not to. BULL!!!!!! I didn't know...I'm not a mind-reader....never have been!!!!!! But, I know now...I look back at what ALL this led up to and it is almost pretty clear why she left me......BAD MISTAKE on her part....she will never know what she could've had with our life together...maybe she will still have a chance.....only she knows that.
How can you say that time is on my side? We don't talk. How am I suppose to change his mind? One of his friends did hint that he wanted to date me; but I could'nt do that. One of the things my XH said to me at the end was that alot of guys will want to get into your pants and do not date any of his friends. I respect that.
Are we just kidding ourselves? A D is final...the decision was made...the X's want to start something new. Are we being stupid to hang on? Do we have low self esteem that we don't think someone else can make us happy? If they really loved us - would they go so far to D? I'm beginning to think that...although I hope it's not true.
Maybe we are the ones that need to let go...
By the way, the reference to the song was really about me not you. I didn't mean it was about you. You will always have the kids to keep you current and in her life. I am cut off.
Yes, I do think enough of myself to try, but when do you say.......he's gone...how many people re-marry an X and have it work out?
The reason why is becuase....unless he dies, God forbid, he will always be around. There is always a chance at reconcilliation.
Quote: Are we just kidding ourselves? A D is final...the decision was made...the X's want to start something new. Are we being stupid to hang on? Do we have low self esteem that we don't think someone else can make us happy? If they really loved us - would they go so far to D? I'm beginning to think that...although I hope it's not true.
I have thought of this a few times and do not agree that we have a low self-esteem problem. It is the fact that we have spent x amount of time with someone we feel is our partner through thick and thin. We don't "know" anyone else. Do we want to? Some may but when the potential of getting that special someone back is a opportunity that may be there no matter where they live, why not hold onto that idea? Yes, we are told to GAL and move on as if they are dead to us but they are only dead to us through M. If we end up finding someone else that fills the void like if the other WAS dead than more power to us.
Like you, I want to believe (As everyone else here) that there is ALWAYS that chance. I do not cling to this thought daily, only if the OPPORTUNITY is there to shine to XW, DBing purposes being the motive.
I still love my XW and probably always will. Starting to ramble and throwing this in a different context but does it make a little sense?
( 
