The Little Black Book

[runningoutoftime]

Now that I give 99.99 % of me and who I am to him without the hurt and resentment mixed in he gives back so much too. I just wish I would have found this out a much less painful way.

I think it's really hard to find that balance... where you give so much, but still retain yourself. I think for those who have children it's even more difficult because some of us tend to lose ourselves in our children and then continue this into our marriages.

I think sometimes it really does take some painful things (like separation and divorce) to wake some of us up. It's almost like I had to fall completely apart (and being a strong person in general I had to fall far!) in order to build myself back up.

[cat03]

I agree running, it took this awful event to show me how awful I was behaving, how I had my priorities all wrong, how my attitude was demeaning to him and the way I said things made mr sound like a total witch.
I always loved my H, but my delivery and handling of problems weren't good for our M.

[verycrazy]

I agree with you, it took this sitch to make me see how bad I had made it for us all. I had a bad attitude, too. Now it's trying to make him see I am not being phony with all the changes I am making.

[Delil@h]

(and being a strong person in general I had to fall far!)



I feel like I had to fall flat on my face too before I could get up and get on with the business of doing some soul searcing and becoming strong In a loving way. I was so strong I never wanted to let anybody in,,,,The most amazing part to me is that when you change just you ---------->it ripples and everyone around you seems to change too.

Like you all have stated about changing.... I agree. And It takes a really strong person yo look in the Mirror and see the bad and decide to change it for good. Without resentment or anger... so lets keep up the great work !!!!!

...and if more people would do this the world would be a much better place not just Marriages would be affected by this change in attitude.
Take care and God bless...

[HappierAndHealthier]

Cat

Just stopping with prayers and hugs.
keep yourself on the path, you are doing great.

[kikifree]

you are doing awesome

[cat03]

thanks for the encouragement all, I feel I'm leaving all that crazyness behind, H is being a little more affectionate though still is unnerved if we have any argument non-A or sep. related. Since he's only home for 2 days, he complains that there is something "every week", it's like he thinks it is outrageous to even have one argument when he is home. I was right about to spit back an answer with past-related tones but somehow kept my mouth shut.
Then he comes later and hugs me, which is something he never does, and appologizes, boy I'm glad I didnt' say anything!

So all in all things are going well, still wish he'd agree to read a couples or R related book w/me, mind you I'd be the one reading aloud for a total of 4pgs, will suggest that again see what he says this time.

[yoyogirl]

e complains that there is something "every week",
Gosh.. this sounds exactly like my H. He complains that things are Okay, and "I HAVE TO START IT EVERYTIME" and that I cannot leave things as is and MOVE on. So, what is a girl to do?? Sometimes, we just need some answers and we ask. Maybe we shouldn't ask at all, and wait to drop a couplf of hints here and there and see if H takes the hint and open up.... Hopefully, that time will come...

Then he comes later and hugs me, which is something he never does, and appologizes, boy I'm glad I didnt' say anything!

This usually happens to me too!!! Everytime that I am successful in holding back my tongue, I find that H will be either affectionate or reassure me at a much later time. It pays to WAIT!!!

still wish he'd agree to read a couples or R related book w/me
I wished this too.. But Don't think that this will ever happen with my H. If I bring it up, will probably start an argument.... so, might as well I read it on my own.

[cat03]

the argument we had was about him not helping out again, that I do 100% of the chores (ok, he only comes home for 2 days, but please!!!) and that I didn't go back to the old resentment, and he just didn't think I had any justification! H is like: "we are having an argument we dont' have to have" meaning for HIM:"just keep doing what you are doing and don't upset me with your problems and all be well" which in turns would mean me still slaving and him relaxing not helping at all.

We ended up agreeing he'd at least do ONE chore a day (which he still thinks it's one too many) but I'm just tired of cooking all the meals AND wash the dishes and still do HIS laundry and still clean the whole house and him thinking he doesnt' have to lift a finger when he is home. I know the training is tough but please! I'm not exactly sitting on my arse while the nanny and the cook do everything, I'm alone during the week with both kids and in charge of everything all the time.

[yoyogirl]

I read back in June when I snooped on hubbies phone that they were planning on getting married et

I have to say that this brought back a lot of bad bad memories! I recently took one of H's old mobile phone for S9 and as I was clearing up the messages, I saw so many texts from ow and from H. They were planning to go away somewhere far, start anew..have little Lauren running in their backyard, etc etc. That was very very hurtful, as Lauren was the name that WE were gonna use if we ever had a daugher. And the nerve of him to use it with the b!t@h. Of course, I couldn't hold it in. I confronted H..and all he managed to say was "I have not used that phone for more than a year. That was before".. Yes...indeed those messages were in June 2005. When he wanted to move away....(I looked back into my past posts... he was very adamant to leave us then...)

As you said it, Alimari...they were INSANE then!!!

Time to move on, gals... and stop with the snooping???

Sorry for the hijack, Cat03.....