Hello all. Long story short, I found out 2 mos. ago that H was having an affair for the past year. It has been an emotionally draining time for me and H as well. He begged me to forgive him and wanted to stay with me and our 2 kids. Last Thursday he decided that he was confused about what he wanted , whether or not our marriage was worth saving and told me he needed space. He went to see the OW I later found out I told him the marriage was over. After hearing this he announced he no longer needed any space and that he wanted his life back with me and our kids before he had his A. This all took place in a 12 hour span. He said he went to see the OW to let her know that this was the choice he was making and that he was sorry for hurting all involved. He told me that he neede to prove to me that I can believe and trust him again. I had spent the last 7 weeks trying to convince him to stay. I so want to believe all this but I feel maybe now I am too detached from him and the situation to try and make things work. Any advice would be appreciated!
it's normal to feel the way you do, it's taken me 2mths for the hurt of the A to finally stop poisoning me, I can tell you I never thougth I'd stop thinking about it, questioning details, creating mental pictures. But it can be DONE!! I can tell this with 100% conviction: the deep hurt of the A is over for me, the slime doens't reach me anymore, I've killed those demons that tortured me night and day, ok, not me but God, He's helped me get them off my head for GOOD. It won't seem like if for you for a while, I'd think about the A the WHOLE day. But trust me, you need to make up your mind to get over it and forgive it, please see my thread of when I found out my H's A was a PA not EA like I thought. I hurt like crazy, but wonderful people have helped me along here, the posts are great, check them out.
Give yourself time, it's ok to feel the way you do now, but each day you will feel stronger, your marriage can survive this ok? don't let the A ruin your life, it isnt' the end.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Sounds to me like you've got a great start, and if your H is really motivated like you say and he ended it with OW, then you just need to listen to what cat03 wrote.
It's been 2 months since I found out about my W's A, and the first couple weeks were pure hell, then it got a little better, and a little better. I can't say I don't still think about it occasionally, but through much prayer and seeking God's help, through MC, and through my wife's positive commitment to doing her part, I've managed to get rid of most of the "demons" as well, and at least tame the one or two that remain LOL.
It gets better if you want it to be and you're willing to do your part.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
Thank you both for your words of encouragement. It is getting a little better everyday for me at least. That is really all I can do-focus on myself and not so much on H and the OW. I guess in some ways I have let the fear of losing him go and can only hope for the best. He told me that he is going to see a MC this week He really feels that he has ruined everything. I'm just taking each day as it comes and hoping for the best. It really does seem to impact him a lot when I don't bring up his A or the OW so taht's what I'll keep doing!
