I have such a peace now. I've told my W that she can have the divorce anytime she wants it. I've given up control and empowered her. It's out of my hands. After initially saying that she wanted to go ahead with a divorce, W indicated that she is going to see a Christian counselor to see "if he can straighten me out."
Last night, I told W that D4 and I are going back to Disneyworld for Thanksgiving week, and she quietly responded with, "I want to go too." I told her that we be fine, and she agreed that she wouldn't sell many security systems that week anyway. It wasn't a commitment from her to come, though ... we'll see.
She also basically told me (without saying it) that she's going somewhere to meet OM for several days on October 18-20 when he gets out of boot camp and has leave.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Well, W and I just had a long conversation, with a lot of crying on her part. Giving up and giving her the divorce has given me more confidence (because I have nothing to lose), and I wasn't afraid to tell her the truth tonight. She talked about how she "can't" give him up and I told her that she doesn't want to give him up, but that the Bible says that she can do all things in Christ, and I don't believe that God is a liar, so she can, but isn't really willing to. I told her that I think she is eventually going to have a Scarlett O'Hara moment when she realizes that she has really loved me all along. I told her that OM wants her because he wants to satisfy his own desires, while I love her enough to let her go ... and she agreed with that, saying that he is dependent on her and loves her for himself. She talked about how much she hurts inside and how she doesn't even understand how I could still want her, etc. I told her that I still loved her and that I had confidence that God was going to transform her when she decided to walk in obedience to Him. I told her that I was letting her go but also inviting her back. I told her that I wasn't sad (for myself) about the divorce because I know that I'm walking in obedience to God and that He will take care of me ... and that gives me great joy. I projected strength and told her that I still believe that she will be victorious over this sin, that I still believed in her. She repeated that I am still her best friend, and that she still cares for me a great deal and feels a strong spiritual connection with me.
It was, ultimately, a very good talk. I projected a strength and confidence that I've never really had in our relationship, and I'm happy about that. I no longer have to fear failure or rejection, so I can just let it all hang out. It didn't change anything for today, but maybe it planted some seeds for later. It did finally end with my telling her to get back with me when she has talked to her attorney.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
isn't it wonderful how God heals us? so many times I thought that the support and the encouraging I have my H went no where, but as you said, I reaped what I saw, my H came back to me after his break up with OP. I pray that this is your case, i'm very happy for you, for the state of mind you've achieved.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I probably have a deeper, more profound ability to love than at any other time in our marriage, or my life for that matter. I never understood why until recently...it benefits everybody, most specifically my children. It benefits me, because it forces me to love unselfishly...and loving her selfishly is partly what turned our marriage sour.
And if someday she returns to me with her whole heart, it will truly benefit her and us as well. If not, it will still bless me...and possibly some new lucky gal someday if my W quits for good and goes for the big D.
I think a truly mature woman sees that as real strength she can take to the bank, much more mature and substantial than all the poser stuff and game-playing.
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
Well, today W called her lawyer to start the divorce process, and she called her counselor to set up her first appointment, which of course was to "straighten her out".
Stay tuned ...
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Amy, I think I know what you mean, but please elaborate so that I'm sure.
A minor note that I forgot from last night: I've been planning to take D4 to Disneyworld over Thanksgiving, and W said last night, "but I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving with her!" This woman had not considered that D4 would alternate Thanksgiving and Christmas with her after the divorce. She somehow still has this vision of me as her post-divorce best friend or brother or something. She doesn't get that we aren't still going to be able to spend holidays and birthdays together and such.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Have you thought of pointing out the obvious to her regarding holidays...and that that should all be written in any final decree she thinks there's gonna be?
