Ouch, I stubbed my toe!

[NNP1965]

Wow! I have been posting here for over a year and this is the first time a thread locked on me.

Locked thread

H & I are in our 40's
we have two boys 12 and 10
married 17 years.

Basically my H is addicted to porn and (I believe) possibly tetering on the edge of taking his cyber cheating to the next level. I believe he thinks I am totally in the dark about all of this.

I am living in a fantasy world pretending that none of this is happening and the only way that I know it is happening is thru snooping. Which I have stopped (but it is a struggle everyday to keep myself from peeking).

I am now in counseling trying to deal with my own issues of childhood abuse and forced family secrets. Which is why I have not been able to address any of this with my H. I have also begun going to Al-Anon, because I am the Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

[NNP1965]

My counseling session yesterday was good. I am so thankful I started going when I did. I know there are very rough times ahead and I am deteremined to be prepared and hopefully healthy when I have to tackle them.

[kasiopeia]

Hi,sorry you have had trouble that long.I would have confronted him by now.But that is just me.I am sure you have had a lot better advice than mine.
-i think it is great that you are in C though.That was the best thing for me.
-The internet can be a good thing and also a very bad thing.
-May i ask why you don't confront your H?Are you afraid he will leave?A year of worrying about it is tearing you up inside. praying for you,K

[NNP1965]

Sorry to say this has been going on for much longer than a year. and yes I am fearful he will leave. As he has told me in the past he is only here for the boys. His actions do not necesssarily support that.

I think normal people would have addressed this long before now, I am just now finding out about myself and how the way I grew up effected how I am now.

Thanks for your input.

[kasiopeia]

My parents divorced when i was 7yrs. old.Then my father did a disappearing act for 5 yrs.Then came back into our lives.Which it is o.k. now.
-Anyway, C helped me with childhood issues,even though i went to C because my H had an A.I don't know how it helped but it did.I hope that C helps you.
-It is hard when you are M and have kids,i know.You don't want your H to leave,and you don't want your kids to suffer.And the kids do suffer,i know.We as adults don't realize how much they do,unless we have been through it.So i do understand why you haven't confronted him.I think it is "not wise" to tell you to confront him,because nobody wants to tell you to do something that makes situations worse.K

[WCW]

NNP, I've been bouncing with you for quite a while and know a little of your history but when I read your openings to this new thread I thought 'wow, this lady is full of drama'. I know you have a lot of drama so we focus on that here, but how about some good old fun? do you have plenty of that too? just wondering.

[NNP1965]

lol, WCW as for the title of this thread I was trying to think of something clever to go with my last title of "Stumbling Around in the Dark".

For the most part I do have a very good life. We have two wonderful sons who keep us busy with their activities. Which we enjoy very much. We laugh a lot and do fun things.

Unfortunately most of what people talk about on this board are the rough parts of life. I will try to add some other things too.

[Matilda2]

I found your new thread---I got the connection right away with the stubbed toe and darkness. Clever! Sometimes it takes me weeks to find a new thread.

Hope you have a good weekend!
Matilda

[JokerMan]

Well the bottom line is at the end of the day YOU are doing what YOU need to do to make yourself a better person and a better mom.

Your kids will reap the benefits from that.

[NNP1965]

If I can come away from this knowing that my boys will grow up to be emotionally healthy men, then that will be more than plenty for me.

It's been another good weekend here. H finally made a move on me this morning and it was pleasant. I made sure to look into his eyes as often as I could. There were no words spoken, but the connection was good.