Hello all, Sitch: Me45 W38 major symptoms of MLC. S7 Bomb 1 - not happy, no sex, i wanna convertible etc etc - 8/3 Bomb 2 - divorce list?! - 8/17 Bomb 3 - condoms and panties in purse 8/20 Bomb 4 - W "even if we see MC it doesn't mean we won't separate"
I have ample (but mainly circumstantial) evidence of a PA. I need advice as to whether I should get a private detective or not. She has made this "divorce list" talking about custody of S7 out of state, house split, retirement accts etc etc. Claimed the MC said make a pro and con list about R. I said this is NOT a p/c list but a todo list for a split. This is all before we can both see the MC together. They see you in separate sessions 1st.
Then on 8/20 I find (I know snooping bad ) condoms and panties stuffed in a pouch of her purse. 11 condoms. 2 styles. Looks like she means "business" w OM to me! Then separation talk last night. All this has ensued since 8/3 ! yikes. OM is possible neighbor S30, they TXT and email alot, but I can't see. She is slick apparently. Cell phone bill should be here around 8/28.
OK, so I consult my parents (50th ann. coming up in a few weeks!) and my brother 2 (D's and now with a kindred soul). They think I SHOULD get a private detective to find out for sure. If I get served from W, proof of a PA would be huge, she wouldn't be able to kick me out of our house! I feel like she has NOT even tried to give us time to fix anything and now wants ME to move. I think not!
In my state, spousal infidelity has little or no real bearing on alimony or child support awarded. It is grounds for divorce and that is about it. So your situation might me different.
I spoke with a private detective when I found out. His advice to me was to decide for myself if knowing details would really make things better. I know for myself they would not. Knowing that something is going on was good enough for me and acting on that was key.
If you suspect a PA you are in the right place. Something is wrong in your marriage that needs to be looked at. And I've found the advice here to be very helpful. Read the books. Make changes in yourself. Do what is suggested.
It's like the old saying - a social drinker doesn't sit up at night wondering if he is an alcoholic. Someone in a healthy and happy marriage doesn't sit up at night wondering if his wife is in a PA. Something is wrong. The change begins with you. Knowing details won't change what you need to do to save your marriage. They will only give you reason to give up in self pity.
Hey there, I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't know where you live, but in my state there's prob something to worry about because my H runned to a lawyer as soon as I found out he was leaving me and made up a story about having a woman (he sort of had at the time, not PA yet, I think). So the first time we went to see a pastor he denied altogheter he'd told me he had a woman, it was awful! I went nuts, he did say that night he slept w/someone. He confessed that on the advice of his lawyer he had to deny any woman.
Now, about the exact details of a possible A, go to my post on the "piecing.." board so you understand that details will kill you, will haunt you, will make you sick day and night, I found out WAY to much and it's taking a lot from me not to conjure up the stuff I found out.
When are you going to MC? ask her point blank, tell her you suspect she is seeing someone, dont' say who.
Quote: W "even if we see MC it doesn't mean we won't separate"
The MLCers will say ANYthing, don't get hung up on every word she says, remember, her mind is in outerspace right now, she isn't herself. Sadly, lots of time need to pass for her to go through the dreaded MLC cycle, some take months, a few yrs, my H crashed and burned pretty quickly compared to others (about 7mths) he is still working at finding out who he is even though he is home.
I also got the lawyer talk, H told me he wanted the equity of the house, asked about custody, the works. About D, my H was about to serve me and I told him that I wasn't ready, that I wasn't of sound mind of making any decisions, to let me get over the shock, that bough me some time. Eventually he stopped talking D and selling the house, I didnt' bring it up either.
Please review the MLC cycle on the MLC board, how I'd wish I knew about that before!! I didnt' realize how deep my H was into MLC.
I know you are hurt and angry, and you turned to your family, but be careful, sometimes our family hurt so much for us that they can't think straight. They might even make things worse, and they if they haven't been in your shoes you might get bad advice, talk to someone who's been there or your C. I kept it all quiet from my parents and family, only one sister and cousin knew. My cousin had gone through the very exact same thing and she was my sanity line, my sweet sister who never went through this thought C was only for him and commend me "please don't cry!", she couldn't bear the thought of me hurting, oh if she knew that the first weeks my H left I was writhing in pain in my bed, crying out to God to give me peace.
And He did, I got closer to Him, I had neglected Him for so long. I chose every day to be happy, I CHOSE to not loose a day to my H's craziness, I told myself "I can do this", my two little children depended on me, I had to do it. I hope you get to see MC soon, she might not open up nor tell the truth, but talking to C might give you the peace of mind to carry you through this storm, hang in there.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
) condoms and panties stuffed in a pouch of her purse. 11 condoms. 2 styles. Looks like she means "business" w OM to me! Then separation talk last night. All this has ensued since 8/3 ! yikes. OM is possible neighbor S30, they TXT and email alot, but I can't see. She is slick apparently. Cell phone bill should be here around 8/28.
