THE JEALOUS WALK AWAY SPOUSE

[ElleMarie]

Does anyone have experience with a jealous walk away spouse?? I am SO confused right now. H has issues with me not trusting him with female friends. Yet I have made a couple male friends recently, and he is really upset about it. If he doesn't want our marriage, why would he care?? See my original post below on this matter....Help!!

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I am SO scared that I just made things worse. I need your help!!!

I picked up H from the train station last night. I was friendly and upbeat, he was kinda gloomy and blah like he wasn't thrilled about coming home. Still, I remained positive, even funny...and he oepned up a bit and we had a nice conversation the whole way home. When we got home, I said I had plans and was going out. He suddenly got very curious and was asking all these questions....where am I going, who with, etc. He even asked about a male friend of mine, wondering if there was more than friendship there and if I saw a future with him. I dismissed his questions like they were funny and told him I can't see into the future. I was vague about my plans, but friendly about it. He then was complimenting me on the clean house and was interested in the fact that I had fixed stuff around the house while he was away (normally, I leave that stuff to him).

I left really upbeat and he wished me a good time. I got back just after midnight and he was in his room. I went to bed.

This morning, he was up early getting ready. I noticed my cell phone had moved - obviously he'd looked at my calls from the night before. He would have seen a guy's name. When he saw me, he started asking all these questions about my night. I told him where I went and who with, told him how bad traffic was on the way there. He seemed like he was fuming under the surface. He was clearly upset but acting like he didn't care.

Why so jealous? I thought he didn't care?! It got worse... (or better? I don't know!!)

I remained happy and upbeat and went back to my bedroom, closed and locked the door. MAJOR SHOCKER...he came up! I heard him try the door and then try to sneak back downstairs like he hadn't just tried to come in. I followed him down and asked if he needed something. He said he just wanted to say bye. HE HASN'T MADE AN EFFORT TO SAY BYE TO ME IN WEEKS. The fact that he had come upstairs to "my" bedroom was verrrry interesting to me.

BUT then...I went back upstairs and he followed me up. He said, "I will hurry and move out so you can move on with your life."

What?!? Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!! That is not what this was about! Here I am, trying to GAL, add mystery.....did I just ruin everything?! Did my 180 totally backfire? Did I do something wrong here?!? I am SO scared that things are much worse now!

I followed him down because I was really concerned about how upset he was. He seems to believe I am moving on from him...already! I tried to reassure him that I love HIM and I am not moving on from him...that I am simply enjoying my life, making new friends, etc. He doesn't believe it!

So I am thinking.."Oh, he can go out with female friends but I can have male friends? I have to trust him with his female buddies but he think my male friends = love and/or sex?!?" Not fair!

He left here really upset. In fact, he PEELED out and sped off. Not sure if I should have, but I was really concerned and left a voicemail on his phone....telling him I am choosing to be happy right now, whether he stays or goes, I am choosing to enjoy my life. I said I've been absent from my own life for so long and there is so much i want to do and experience. obviously, I want all that WITH him. I just wanted to make sure he knew HE is the one I want and that I am NOT moving on from him!

Now what?!? I have NO idea what my next move should be. How do I act when he comes home tonight? WILL he even come home? I am worried he'll come home angry, pack up and leave. I didn't want him to go, I want him to stay!

DID THIS JUST BACKFIRE OR IS IT A GOOD THING AND I JUST DON'T SEE IT???

HELPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

[MTHeart]

Are you familiar with the idea of "projection"? Projecting ones feelings onto the actions of another...He is jealous because he knows that HE cannot have a "friend" therefore YOU must not be able to either. It's really all about HIM. He presumes that everybody is as messed up as he is. He has only himself as a "moral compass" and he knows which way his arrow points, therefore you must be a lying cheat also. Not that it makes you feel any better. All you can do is keep doing what you're doing. When/if he regains sanity he may be able to learn by your example. But for now it's all "SELF CENTERED"...sorry and good luck. You didn't do anything wrong.

[seporateddadof2]

I see alot of good DB techniques in your post. the fixing stuff around the house is good so is the PMA and the GAL. I am confused about why H cant have female friends. history of A? If you say you dont want him to have oposite sex friends and this makes him want to leave then why are you doing it? This is making him jealous...That works to a degree. Do you really want your WAS questioning your moral character? You can create mystery in lots of ways without doing what you dont want H to do. It sounds more like a revenge tech than DB. be careful.