my W is having an EA and denies it to everyone including her best friends and me. Why? Does it make things easier? Does she feel guilty? Can someone on the oter side shae some insight? Also what is the view on talking to the other guy?
How do you know for sure she is having an EA? Maybe she isn't or maybe she has convinced herself that what she "has" isn't an "affair. YES...Reach out to her! It is likely what she is looking for in the first place. Good LUCK! D
Quote: another thing when using the last resort technique should I for any reason try to reach out to my W? I want my best friend back.
If you aren't sure if you should do this than take a chance and observe the results. If she seems cold and distant she more than likely is feeling pressure from you and you should back off. Don't be afraid to experiment, just be sure to look for results and keep doing what works.
"Our life is what our thoughts make it."
Marcus Aurelius
I think the denial is fairly universal. Don't argue the point. If it seems to you to be an A, it likely is. I think there are many reasons for the denial: guilt, not wanting to define this "great" experience as something as negative as an A. I wouldn't talk to the OM, it's not about him, he's just an object of her feelings. Feelings that have a lot to do with you and your R, but a whole lot more to do with her. Communicating with the OP will fuel the fire, as they already know what they are doing is wrong and choose to do it anyway. It allows them to see you as the bad guy.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
Quote: Communicating with the OP will fuel the fire, as they already know what they are doing is wrong and choose to do it anyway. It allows them to see you as the bad guy.
That's one interesting way to look at it. I never thought of that, but then again, at this point in your life when you feel so betrayed who's thinking straight?? That was a good explanation Muddle... in my sitch, I emailed the OM once, that was before I found DB, he replied probably 2 weeks later, too late for him because I had already regained control of myself.
in my sitch I feel she's being manipulated. The OM is still married and has told her that he doesn't want to get a divoce because of a large alimony payment he would have to pay. Why would she feel this guy is more caring that me? He doesn't even respect his wife why would he respect mine? Damn sparklers!!!
Sorry heres why I called him a sparkler. Its another post of mine:
I just wanted to air my thought on affairs
The love that is had in a marriage is like a torch. When first lit it shines brightly and shows the way through the darkness. Over time the light dims but is still there burning. An affair is like a Fourth of July Sparkler. The light is overpowering and hard to ignore but burns out so quickly that once your eyes adjust the torch once again becomes the beacon in the night.
Does any one else feel that their S is being pushed along by the OP? My W only talks to him not to her friends or family but she did call me out of the blue on Monday twice to ask how I was. I still feel she is being manipulated or played.
I think all WAS are manipulated to an extent by the OW/M, even if it's something as simple as being told ILY - these things keep them in the relationship. I expect most do a lot worse.
We can't do anything about it though. If you tell someone they're being manipulated they will deny it completely, until they are able to come to this conclusion by themselves.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
QUOTE- Damn sparklers!!! Sorry heres why I called him a sparkler. Its another post of mine: I just wanted to air my thought on affairs The love that is had in a marriage is like a torch. When first lit it shines brightly and shows the way through the darkness. Over time the light dims but is still there burning. An affair is like a Fourth of July Sparkler. The light is overpowering and hard to ignore but burns out so quickly that once your eyes adjust the torch once again becomes the beacon in the night.
-I like that,so true! Ha,Sparklers! People think they are invincible during that time.I would say your W is HIGH now and feels she might still be able to get the OM away from his W.As time passes it will wear off.
