Just found out H sent flowers to OP AFTER he moved

[cat03]

back with me!!!!!!! i'm livid, beyond furious@!!!#$€‹Œ%#$%#$%

I want to scream so bad, I was relishing in the fact that he was away on her b-day and that she got nothing from him, he sent 60$ worth of flowers, I'm so mad I could cry, I'm at work and have to settle down, i'm trembling as I type this.

Damn him, damn HIM, I took him back, I forgave him and took on the huge debt he incurred, he was even upset that he had gotten into so much debt, about 10k.

I text him to call me now, wont' hear from him 'til late eve though, please help me cope, i'm so devastated. Yes, he was still depressed and getting out of his MLC, but still I can't wait to confront him.

[JAG_06]

Oh cat - I'm so sorry. I know the pain you are in and how badly it hurts when our S do things like that.

The only thing I can tell you from my experience is that I was always so furious because I thought that my W had done something like that to spite me. The reality is that they don't even think like that. They really are off in lala land and aren't thinking at all about the pain they are leaving in their wake.

I know that doesn't help much, but it is something.

My heart goes out to you today.

[EvolvingMe]

(((((cat)))))

Sorry to hear this. I understand, went through something similar last month.

Scream, kick, whatever it takes, but please do it here. I haven't confronted my W about Om Bday, then she would now I was snooping. I shouldn't have, but I have no trust either, now I just have to live w/this knowledge.

I just wanted to let you know I feel for you.

EvolvingMe

[cat03]

thank you guys, only you would understand.

JAG, yes, you are right, he had no freaking clue what it would do to me if I found out, well, it's time he knew.
Evolving, I can't shup up, it's eating me inside, the knowledge that even though he said they didnt' end it right he STILL splurged on her, I dont know, for whatever it counts he did that before I found out about her and he told me it was over and he never contact her. I used to snoop his phone and never saw anything suspicious.

Talk me down guys, I have a mind to go to his room where he keeps all the stuff and sell whatever I find that's of value that's worth anything, I'm loosing it big time . Just when I thought I was completely over that pain this is a fresh stab. I'm thinking of telling him to pack off if he still wants her in his life in any way, telling him how this time if she rejects him I won't take him back, that she must've gotten a good laugh at my expence "oh, he's back/w her and he sends me flowers) ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH
This are things I want to tell him but I wont, just have to vent now. The best I can do is confront him in a civil way, guys, that's the best I can do, I will keep adjetives such as "whore" away from my convo, I will try at least

Did I mention I found out while paying for HIS cc online, and I happen to pay 60$, all we can afford now, and that I just paid for that whore's flowers???

Thanks for being a listening ears to my ravings, and of course, it's the time of the month when my hormones are shooting up the roof, sorry fot the TMI guys, but I get so emotional around this time.

[EvolvingMe]

Cat,

Thanks for posting. And you are not a whiner, you are HURT.

If WAS tells you it's over and they want to make it work and then you find proof that it's not, that is just incredibly hurtful. It rips everything open again.

If you need to vent some more, go ahead, I'm still listening

[cat03]

hey EM, thanks, really. I was so sick I barely ate, boy that's a first one! well, that's how I lost 13lbs in 2wks when H left, the new fad diet!... yea right.

Reading the board has calmed me down some, but another thing died in me, the resolve to be his cute little charming wife, trying to do anything to please him. I'll do more things that make me happy, I'm still giving way more than I should, taking so many loads off his shoulders.

If he wants this marriage back he'll have to win me back too, I swear, if by the end of next summer this is still a loveless marriage I'm outa here.
Not much encouragement to many here who are still waiting for their 2nd chance, but man, somedays I just can't keep running on empty.

[HappierAndHealthier]

cat
I happened to be speaking with someone last night talking about the time after the WAH comes home, and that its about 1 year of hard work. But the reward is there.

Check out livingbreadcrumbs.com for a little inspirtion.

[cat03]

hey toots, *sigh* nice to see you hope the kids and you are doing better than good. Thanks for the web reference, I need all the help I can get.

There better be something, because this aint' no picnic Just having visions of lawyers, of me raking him across the coals for the $ he took when he left, for the $ we are paying to get him out of debt...pretty soon I'll get a sighting of Elvis too... *sigh*

I dont' know why I think "if we divorce I'll...(insert evil court room drama fantasy here), I know it isnt' productive, that I should be envisioning us being happy, but can't, he gives me no reason to be happy w/him. The few times we have together I'm trying to make it fun for everyone, trying to do nice things, and I guess I'm burning out.

can you say drama queen? I just need some spoiling from somebody, that's all..

[SvenTheRed]

(((((Cat)))))

And to think the folks on the show "Survivor" think they have it rough. Think again....

I hear you on burn out, frustration, anger and hurt. To this day WAW has a picture tucked away of the OM that she doesn't know that I know about. But you know what, I AM home and we are piecing. IT is a long road and there are going to be bump after bump. But, think how far you have come. Sometimes I have found that WAS's hang onto what they think is that "safety rope". Read some of Frank_D's saga and you'll see that is abundently clear.

Sure, you (we) deserve better and just by living this process we will GET better. But that comes with patience. I used Michelle's "benchmark" of it takes one month for every year of M to completely reconcile. For myself, I was using that has my benchmark too - ready to move on at that point.

In the end, I don't think confronting you H right now is the best course - continue to vent here but remain vigilant. If he is letting you pay his cc and you see the activity in the future, then might be a good time to set a boundary.

Are you guys in MC? Just wondering.

Chin up. And know that we're here for you.

Sven
Erik

[always_14]

(((cat)))

So sorry, sweetie. This is just so painful. I understand that.

Before you confront H, make sure you calm down first. Also, if he was in MLC, remember that they go back into the tunnel for "revisits" to shut doors, so you have no idea what the flowers actually MEANT....a goodbye of sorts? Who knows what was written on the card. All I am saying is, when you confront him, give him a chance to tell you his side (of course, since they are EXPERTS at lying, who knows), and make up your own mind about how you feel about this.

I know you're trying your BUTT off....and this is tiring. The worst thing you can do now is burn out, b/c right now you DO NOT have a H that will pick up the slack and be strong for both of you.

I know how you mention that it's been tough since H moved back in, going through the depression and withdrawal phases of MLC and perhaps others.

How about scheduling small "breaks" from H during these next months. One of the things you both learned in this whole mess is to value your independence WITHIN the M. That means keeping a little of that "space" alive. It will make sure you're both better when you do start to reconnect as a family....make those times more productive. And, it keeps you from sliding into those old cycles of the old M again.

Can you take off this weekend, and have him watch the kids? Can you take the kids with you? Just a little space. Might even be nice as a gesture after you confront him, if you choose to. If you approach him calmly, hear him out and let him know that you think it might be nice if you both had a little space, to take the pressure off of both. Time to think and reprocess. Nothing dramatic, nothing angry....just done out of peace and respect.

Think about it. I think it would do you a world of good. Even if you get away for the day.