We are leaglly married and under one roof but she has no desire to have sex, at least with me.
She says she doesnt feel married so why should she have sex with when she can get it anywhere (and probably has, most likely when she goes to the bar on Sat nights).
Why should I settle for a sexless non-affectionate marriage?
Every time I try to make an attempt i get shut down cold, even hugs are met with folded arms and she might let me kiss her on the forehead.
She says she needs to get needs met but not with me, her husband of 10 years.
Hunter, I'm sure you know that is a question only you can answer, and I see that you've been struggling with it since 2002...coming up on four years... and just from glancing over your list of posts, those have been some pretty rough years.
Let me ask you: what are YOUR reasons for wanting to continue?
I have read your posts off and on for some time. Pardon my bluntness, but it's time for a wake-up call. It's time to stop being passive and introspective and take some action. Why are you continually letting your wife decide your fate? Develop some self-respect and a backbone and decide once and for all what kind of a life/marriage you want, then, take action.
It's been four years and instead of this m being a healthy, living and growing relationship, it's more like a corpse on life support. It's dead and it doesn't matter who pulls the plug now. It's time to put it out of its misery.
From what I have read, it sounds like your w doesn't want a husband, she wants a daddy. Do you want a daughter or a wife?
Sorry to be harsh but I'm betting one day you will wake up and kick yourself in the arse for wasting so much time on this.
Re. HunterFox:
she has no desire to have sex, at least with me. Well, you are one step ahead of some guys. Some guys in your situation, label their W as having no sex drive (SD). You at least know the lack SD is with you. Ouch! But at least you know the truth and recognize it for what it's worth.
so why should she have sex with (me) when she can get it anywhere (and probably has, most likely when she goes to the bar on Sat nights).
If she doesn't want you and "IS" getting her wants/needs met outside the M, Why do you keep settling for fumes of a M. I would be gone. You can't make someone like you. The more you try, the less they like you.
But she wants to remain friends only Like, maybe a Christmas card every 5 years?
She says she needs to get needs met but not with me, her husband of 10 years. Heavy duty counseling for X months then it's hit the road if things don't work.
HunterFox, from the little I have read, you are hurting yourself and her too maybe.
Do you have Kids? Why do you hang on, excluding "but I love her" or, she is the most gorgeous woman I have ever been with.
Pretend everyone is a used car. Pretend you are going to go be a monk and are only allowed to have one set of clothing and a tooth brush in a week. Tell me why I should buy your W. Tell me how I won't get burned or won't have buyers remorse in a couple of years.
What did you do or neglect to do over the past 10 years that has your W going out and getting her needs met by other people?
IA and OG, you both have some great points and I have mulling them over before this posting.
IA, you asked what kind of life or marriage I want. Well it certainly isnt like this and she was not like this when we married or I certainly would not have made that kind of commitment. I took my vows seriously and completely, apparently hers was a facade.
Also understand she left our son and myself when he was 2 1/2 (physically) but emotionally when he was 1 1/2. She went on a heavy pot and alcohol bing for the next 2 years and did not have much input in his life.
OG - I will admit i have LD and there are ways around that, however I will not step outside the marriage till it is finalized, it simply is not worth the pain and anquish to end a marriage over a piece.
As far as counseling goes, I am all for it and want to make it healthier, i have gone to many sessions solo. So, I can say I have fixed my weaknesses and realize through growth what a healthy marriage would take and that is what I want out of this one. However when the other party has a different agenda then what is one to do, or for that matter why pursue it?
She wants all the comforts and security of marriage when it doesnt interfere with her agenda.
For me its all or nothing.
I am in concert with lawyers at this point so I know what paths I have to take and what rights I do have with regards to our son.
She says she wants sole custody but then later backs off when she gets overwhelmed with the responsibility, for me I would welcome it and give our son what he needs and that is not a mother who has alcohol issues (not in front of him) and other issues. Of course she thinks she has none and will deny all.
Convienient Parenting and Convienient Marriage is what she is looking for and it just doesnt work that way.
