Yes, I have. But the only strategy to get past that is to have sex. This is not a Dr. Laura stratgey. It is essentially everyones strategy. Read "His Needs/Her Needs", he employs the same thing. The point is that usually LD women are extremely uncomfortable with their sexuality, so the only way to change this is to have LOTS of sex. They need to find the EASIEST way to desire. As Dr. Laura says, it will be INCREDIBLY tough for the LD to do, they will have to have sex more then they can ever imagine. So what I am saying is that when you start this strategy, you are going to hate it, and yes the sex is not going to be very good. But if you can successfully get to the end of the 2 months, the odds are EXTREMELY good that the LD spouse will have FAR more desire and that the HD man will have AUTOMATICALLY changed and become a much better husband. The problem with this strategy is that the LD women must decide to do this HERSELF. The man must NOT make any suggestions, the man must NOT participate in her decision making process, this is something that SHE must arrive at on her own. In effect, the most the guy can do is buy the book and leave it out, and even that may be considered to demanding.
Quote: So what I am saying is that when you start this strategy, you are going to hate it, and yes the sex is not going to be very good.
Why would the sex not be very good? Just because I made a "mental" decision to do this doesn't mean I wasn't into it. And even now we have all different kinds of sex; some just fun & quick, some slow & intimate, some crazy & risky, some because I want it, some because H wants it. It's not always that deep emotional connection. And hate it? I didn't hate it, EVER!EVER!EVER! Sometimes I wasn't in the mood (but I allowed H to help with that), sometimes I was very tired, sometimes I was unsure, not confident, sometimes I felt fat and unattractive... I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. There were a lot of emotions but never hate or I wouldn't have participated at all. If you think your w hates sex you really have a problem and I don't mean you personally I mean your M/R has a major problem. IMHO theres a big difference between hating it and not having desire or not being in the mood. NR
Ce, You say you are a religous man. Have you considered taking this to your clergy?
I don't mind the sun sometime
The images it shows
I can taste you on my lips
And smell you in my clothes
Cinnamon and Sugar
And softly spoken lies
You never know just how you look
Through someone elses eyes
BHS-"Pepper"
CeMar, I'm posting to the thread you most recently posted to in search of you...(see Hairdog's current thread to see why - hoping to use some of your words/ideas in my personal blog). Can you please email me at instepford (at) gmail.com, please? Sorry for the interruption, carry on.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
NR- Thanks for replying to my question. You give me hope that there may be light at the end of the tunnel.
I am hoping that during the kids growing up time, my LD wife just has some other priorities. That maybe this LD time is a phase. That maybe if we are married for 50+ years and 18 of them are LD times...well, then I could work with that. And maybe my priorities should change.
I just really, really miss our ML times. They are special moments.
Lifer, I wanted to add one other tidbit that I posted on another thread but I'm not sure if you read that thread. I didn't always know or understand that sex equaled love for my H. I really had the mind set that it was just a "need" of his and that he should be more patient cuz I was fulfilling the kids needs and the house etc and I was tired. Once I accepted in my mind and felt the connection that sex gave us it made a huge difference in my desire and drive. I'm not saying the sex was bad I just didn't realize the importance. I am very regretful now and wish I could turn back the clock. So I guess what I am hinting (OK maybe shouting) to you is to try to explain to your wife (if you have'nt all ready) that it is not just about the sex, it's how you feel loved and connected. One other thing that "sparked" my drive during the lows would be when H really took the effort to make it special. H hired the babysitter and whisked me off to dinner and brought me back to a candle lit bedroom or surprised me with a one night get away to a hotel. And the desire went on for longer than that night, I guess you might say it filled my lovebank. I'll shut up now cuz I'm not sure if you were looking for that kind of info or just hope Good Luck NR
