I hope that works. Well, the wife and I have been going to counseling (together) and to the same therapist seperately. She has had her ups and downs, from threatening suicide, extortion (send me to college or I'm leaving you and the kids) and now has thrown herself into massage therapy classes so she can make sure that she can be independent. I have been supportive to her, and had adjusted my career and life accordingly. I have joined a men's group and have been doing what I can to make myself a better person. The wife and I have spent some quality time together, but she can't seem to forgive/forget, or even move on. She told me that she is celibate, and that she may never touch me again. I have been able to handle the loneliness off and on, but I really miss her, and the nurturing that she can provide. Any suggestions?
You have been at this same place for a long time. I personally feel you are being used and her agenda is the same...get a job and get out of your life. I think you might want to reevaluate what you've been doing so far and think about doing something different.
One thing you should consider is start focusing on yourself much as she is doing. What do YOU want to do with YOUR life? Focus on yourself and your kids and take her wants and desires out of the picture. Throw yourself into other activities that don't involve her. Find a way to give her space while letting her know that you intend to have a life outside of her.
You might also want to consider going to newcomers for a bit to get more active feedback. To me I don't get the feel of a couple that is "piecing"
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks for the honest feedback. I have joined a mens support group and am working on my Master's Degrees. It's hard to not be lonely with her around, and not being able to have contact (no hugging, hand-holding etc.) for almost a year now. Forced celibacy is not fun! LOL
You get some great advice from a seasoned vet in JustMe so I don't know what more to add - other than to share an experience.
Trust me as I work on piecing, the physical stuff has been hard to cross. For me there is a trust thing the WAW is working through.
That said, we ML's a couple times over the separation - in large part because of my GAL activities - specfically getting back in shape, working out, changing the wardrobe, etc. What WAW saw was the the way I was when we were first together - it had the attraction thing going again.
JustMe's advice to create a thread in Newcomers is good too - there is a lot of activity and a lot of advice that you could get there from veterans and newbie's as well.
Only you can know when enough is enough, but by being here you clearly have chosen a higher path. Good luck.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Hi all, it's been awhile. The wife and I are still roughly in the same boat. She is still in almost-WAW mode, and is taking classes left and right, so the family and I barely see her. I have been trying to GAL, going to night school, still attending my mens support group, which is kind of like a non-religous "Promise Keepers". I am at a low point right now with the holidays, and our anniversary coming up. She isn't into any of our family traditions, or attending holiday functions with me, or inviting me to her friend's parties. I am in active counseling, and she attends with me once in a great while, and goes to counseling on her own. I have been giving her space, and taking care of way more than my fair share of housework and repairs. I know I have to do the work, as she won't do it unless it gets to crisis levels. The kids are really starting to complain about how she isn't around nearly as much, and I have to agree. I know this is can be a very lengthy process, but I am really starting to lose hope. There has been absolutely no physical contact, (don't even think about S-X) for the past 15 months. I am still madly in love with her, but I am starting to really resent her, and that scares me. I have had the D paperwork filled out twice before, but have "come to my senses" before I retained a lawyer and went through with filing. I have no close friends to discuss this with and she doesn't want to discuss it with me, even with the counselor. He is a good guy, but has said that DB and he aren't compatible, so I can't get a DB coach (and be truthful with him). So, it's a pity party for me, I know, but I could really use some more insights.
Sounds like you've been on the boards a long time now Herb. So maybe you should talk to a DB coach on the telephone instead of your traditional C. A coach might have a solution on how to get unstuck.
My wife keeps making excuses not to discuss our relationship or breaking promises of when we will work on it. She has had a history of not being able to handle major issues in her life. She doesn't want any of her friends or family to be talked to as she doesn't want them to know about our troubles. The counselor stated that she has a mild case of borderline personality disorded, but she is in denial. I know I have problems, but I am getting counseling for my issues. She has quit wearing her wedding ring long ago, but I have still worn mine. I took my ring off to carve pumpkins and forgot to put it back on (I have ADD---LOL) and she got all worried and thought I was going to run off and find someone else, even though I was the one who has been keeping the marriage together for the past 15 months. What gives?
