the affair

[beeber]

Hi,

I finally figured out how to post. Yeah! My husband is having a
weekend affair. The ow works at night and he works during the day. We have seperated and sold our house and split
our funds. We are both living in apartments. He has agreed to
pay my rent, but hasn't given me any d papers. We said we would wait a year because we both had to sign a year lease. This separation and sale of our house and move has happened
in the last three months, but the affair started in January. How long do you think a weekend affair
can last? Since the house was sold, (we were going to remodel
and he couldn't handle it) Since the sale of the house he helped me move and we have been getting together for dinner and having
fun, but there has always been a reason to get together, escrow, moving, etc and always during the week. We have no children and No reason
to see each other. Should I back off completely? I'm worried no
contact and the feelings will die? But on the other hand if I'm
available that's no good either. I have used the db methods to be
his friend but that's all he sees me as now. Any thoughts?
Oh also the last time we go together was for his birthday. I wasn't
going to get him anything, but he came over for dinner and it was the best time yet. I really think he's having a MLC, got really emotional . Anyway any thoughts?




tanks,

Beeber

[PositivelyListening]

Hi Beeber,

Standard greeting: Sorry to see you here. But really, it is always hard. My H is in MLC (he is 44) and we do not have young children, so I have that thought sometimes too - what are the excuses/reasons to connect now that we are separated. My H is having a long distance affair (approximately 3-4 days with OW every 2 months) and meanwhile they text and phone. I had the same questions - how long will it last? And also the hidden question you didn't mention "Should I wait?" All I can tell you is, you will have to decide what you are committed to.

Have you read Divorce Remedy yet? I think your behavior has been just great from what you describe, and from your short description, your H sounds overwhelmed and confused. I would encourage you not to panic, or to do anything sudden right now. Begin to observe your H's behavior, and also your own. Identify what you can do in your own life to make improvements, focusing on you and your behavior. Start there.

I can tell you one thing. Your situation is NOT HOPELESS. It is just hard. Read alot on these boards, you will learn a lot. Please come read my thread too.

I wish you all the best. Keep posting, and hang in there. I will check up on you again.

[beeber]

Hi Positive Listening,

That is such a great name. I appreciate your words of wisdom. I spoke to a councelor today and she said to be patient. I'm an
illustrator so I think I can do that. The hard part is knowing that
he is dating and having an affair and why should I wait to have fun.
I'm also worried about the lack of contact. How can you keep the spark alive if you don't see him? Here's the good news. I'm planning a trip to see some of my old high school girlfriends. It took
this change of life to get me there. I know it going to be fun. I should have done it a long time ago. How long has your H's part
time affair been going on?

[PositivelyListening]

Hi Beeber,

Your trip with the high school girlfriends is an absolutely fantastic idea. That is the best possible kind of GAL activity. I have been reconnecting with 2 really good friends by phone on an almost weekly basis since the "crisis" hit. We have now vowed that we will never allow the long gaps in our communications to occur again. I can't believe how wonderful their support has been for me. I wish you the same with your best friends - support without judgement.

To answer your question, my H has been involved in his A since last August 4 2005. He told me about it this past January 2006. He was visiting OW in Germany, while planning visits to his S12 who lives there also. More trips were supposedly necessary, as we were getting ready for S12 to move to the US to live with us. We have been separated since the reveal of the A in January. I started DBing about 1 week later.

It is great your C told you to be patient. She sounds like a wise C.

You will see that I occasionally struggle with the dating thing also, if you read my thread. Have you read Divorce Remedy yet? There are specific reasons why not to make the tangled web more tangled. I have read that in a lot of other books too. It is a short term round of "fun" to get your ego stroked, but it could add many problems and long term damage to your M. So if you are interested in reconciling, stick with your GF's for now.

My two cents