I've not been on the board in so long, it is amazing. I have peeked in every now and then to see how folks are doing. I will have to update, so much has been going on, it seems, and I still do struggle with issues from the a. all that is complicated by the fact that monster still works here where H and I do, and I suppose it will ever be so.
It's been tough to deal with my brother's death on top of all the other stuff. But that is life, always a process I've come to realize.
I don't think I ever posted about it, but 2 weeks and 1 day after my brother died, D had a baby girl. Darling baby girl, doing well, she's 4.5 months now, and the apple of her dad & mom's eyes. SCARY stuff though, D had toxemia the last 3-4 wks, and the dr. for some reason let it go on and on...D was very ill, on the verge of convulsions and heart failure before they finally delived the baby. All's well that ends well, as they say, but one day I realized that in the space of 364 days we came very close to losing not only my brother, but S15 and D and GD. I can't imagine; thank God didnt have to.
soooo....sitch with H. I worry that he is slipping back into his depression, and sometimes he seems distant and withdrawn and irritable. it's doubly hard because that's how he was when the a with monster was hot, and it really triggers a lot of anxiety for me.
We have had our good moments though...but there is so far that I want us to go, and I'm still not sure how to get us there, or how hard to push when he seems to have such "swings" still.
We did celebrate our Ann. just before my brother died, and the year before he had refused to...(tip off the a was back in swing); commented to the waitress that we were "doing great" when she asked how long we'd been married. Recently we were at an hotel overnight, and he left a conference and came to the room to apologize when he realized he had hurt my feelings...that I saw as a big milestone... But still after all this time I get discouraged that there is so far to go; I have hardly heard from him at all be email today, and that always makes me anxious.
I'm sure there's more, but am trying to reform from my novel-writing ways. will try to check in on folks, and may need to start a new thread I suppose, I see this one is way more than a year old, a big change from when they used to lock in a week in the throes of the a.
It's great to see you back on the boards. Seems to be some good positives to your sitch. Keep up the work. Those anxiety bouts are tough to get around some times.
Ah, that is the conundrum of piecing, isn't it - you get your spouse back, but their depression isn't automatically cured, is it? Same here, I'm afraid.
Did you and your son ever get tested for celiac disease antibodies, btw?
I was told by Corri over on the SSM forum to look you up and see what your take is on a little situation between the wife and I. I don't know how to link things around but it's over in the SSM forum under "Depression Question."
Not anything pressing, and not much info I can give, just a few concerns.
IMHO, I'd say you've been carrying the M for too long. Someone has to do the work to maintain the level of intimacy H is comfortable with. But you've been doing all that work for too long. He doesn't have to emotionally invest into the M. He feels no pressure to improve the M.
Try something different. Tell him you aren't happy with how things are. Tell him you feel insecure because his behavior matches his behavior when he is cheating. Tell him you want more, but you are done trying to fix it, you are done trying to hold the M together single-handedly. And then back WAYYYYY off.
Make him (LET HIM) do the work in the M for awhile.
hi all, not much time to respond today, but...Ellie, I'll speak again w/dr, S has an appt today...but I owe them so much money, I have a hard time requesting anything "extra"... Oldtimer, yes, I know, you're right about makeing him do some of the work...he actually did a "bit" last weekend...and I am stepping back, I still worry about stepping back too much though. ummmm, I am still trying to figure out who you were on here "before"....I know others have "got it", but I'm slow, I guess. On a "good" or at least different side, yesterday was the 4th anniversary of Dday. wow. BUT.....I spaced it off, didnt even realize it until today. hmmmm, I like to take that as a sign that maybe I am moving on... ; flip side of that coin though is it was also the anniversary of our 1st date; spaced that one off too.
Hey all, Just dropped by for a minute today, and couldnt resist doing a shout-out as I see some of my "old acquaintances" still here. Will try to get by and catch up with folks, but have to get to a meeting and should be prepping for it now (boredom sets in!). My life is far far from perfect, and I'm probably at best "lukewarm" on my journey, still deal with some (many) of the same issues (sigh) BUT many things are improved. Some really weird things have happened over the last year, as well. I can't believe it's been nearly a whole year since I last posted. wow. Best wishes to you all, will try to check in with you all soon.
; flip side of that coin though is it was also the anniversary of our 1st date; spaced that one off too.