Question for those piecing...and those not quite..

[hopefloats7]

Hello,

I feel very out of place posting in here; it's where we all hope to end up and I'm not there yet. I keep a thread in MLC.

I wanted to ask a question and see how everyone feels about this. My story is far too long to post details, so I'll sum up. Right now my H and I are getting a legal sep. and I'm moving a few hours away. We are very amicable, better now than we have been in the past year. He moved out a year ago, had an affair. It appears to be all over with; very dramatic stuff happened to my H. while involved with the ow.

Anyway, here is the thing. A lot of these men seem to come back home to their wives once they've ended the affair, (if they are ever going to come back at all). My H seems aware that he is in very depressed condition and not good at all to be living with me right now. He said, "That situation (with ow) is over, but I'm still not rushing right back."

So I'm wondering how common it is for a spouse to do this, to need this serious "alone" time even after the ow is out of the picture. It feels like it's a good thing, but I just don't know. Would appreciate any comments. Maybe someday I'll be lucky enough to join you here with a thread.

Hope

[icl]

hope,

its been the case in my sitch - even though a lot of our issues have been resolved, my WAW wants to take her own time and not rush back (we've been sep for 5 months and it will probably be another 6 weeks before she comes back).

Your H's comment about not rushing back is exactly what I heard, fact is I took it as a huge positive compared to what I'd heard up to that point . My take on it is its a good thing, they've thought about it and have an idea about coming back, but they want to deal with "stuff" before they do. Some of this may be just his "stuff", some of it may be between the two of you. Trick is to find out what it is and how the resolution is going (this is where our MC was a great help in our sitch),

icl

[cat03]

Hi toots, hope to see you here real soon))))))) well, in my case I'm almost 100% sure my H came back because he was devastated that OW didnt' want him either, that she bikered about he same things we'd fight about and he realized "hey, it wasnt' my wife, it was me!".
He was sooooooooo miserable when he came back. He did admit later on to the C that he thought coming back would make him feel better but it didnt'. I'm guessing his depression still had a strong grip on him, he is much much better now.

Guess they do need time to process what just happened and take a hard look at themselves.

[hopefloats7]

Thanks.

See, he has told me that he was SO unhappy when he left, and thought he was making things better, but in fact they got worse. He's been the most unhappy person this past year. But he still hasn't told me he loves me in a very long time, and he said if we lived together right now it wouldn't be a good idea because he's "not good for anyone right now."

Yet I see him a couple of times a week; he comes over, is helpful, and he calls daily now. Our separation is very amicable as I said, thank God. And he talks about a future with us buying another home together, but he seems to think it might be a year away. He definitely isn't underestimating the time he says he needs on his own.

I am just moving forward as best as possible after such a devestating year, and am thankful we are still not divorcing. He says he doesn't want or need that; just time and distance right now.