Putting my wife "on a pedestal"

[CJR]

Wondering if folks can please suggest some ways to "put my wife on a pedestal". She's just come back from Visting with friends "whose husbands just treat them so well" (converse - you don't!) and I frankly don't have exposure to what they do that my wife appreciates so much.

Thanks in advance!
C

[I_Still_Love_Him]

Hi CJR
Welcome to our forum. You might want to start by asking her what the other husbands do that she wishes you would do for her. Rather than trying to guess, ask her. Everyone woman has different needs; we really aren't all the same although there may be some common needs.

You might also want to check out this website - www.mortfertel.com. It is a Marriage Fitness program that you can either join as a couple or go solo.

Communication is very important in a relationship and if you can sit with her and ask her what she wants, she might just tell you. But remember, do not try to get defensive by telling her the things that you do already for her because it may not be what she needs. If she can give you a list of 10 things, then maybe you can start with one of them but don't overwhelm her all at once. Good luck

[CJR]

I_Still:
Thanks - I do plan to ask her and very good suggestions within. I tend to find myself getting defensive, partially because I often find that she doesn't seem to want to understand my values / needs as well. I'll check out the marriage fitness site you reccomended.

Best,
C

[I_Still_Love_Him]

It works both ways. You should tell her what your needs are too. We can't read our spouse's mind but we certainly could pick up on the little hints that are always thrown out.

[cat03]

so things for her without her having to ask you, for ME it's nice when my H takes the trash out of he sees it full, reads a bedtime book to one of the kids without me suggesting it. Cook her something or take her out if she is tired and doesnt' want to cook, ummmm, plan a day out as a surprise.

You are a sweety by wanting to do this, hope she appreciates whatever you end up doing

[icl]

CJR,

when you ask her what her needs are, do you listen and validate? Do you come straight back and say what your needs are? Might be best to do this in separate sittings otherwise it could be percieved as both of you waiting for the other one to stop talking so that you get a chance to lay out your agenda - just a suggestion.

cat03 is right on - if your W has to ask you before you do something, its nowhere near as appreciated as being proactive - I speak from very personal experience

Also, looking at this thread and your other thread about golfing, there's a common theme apparent - effective communication. You may want to read some of the books recommended on this BB about effective ways of communication to see if this is an area for improvement,

icl

[SvenTheRed]

CJR,

If your into reading I'll give you a couple that I thought were pretty good. One is a good read, the other a little deeper.

First is "How to date your wife" by Cronin. He's a "non" professional that interviewed dozens of women and the book is based on their feedback.

The other (since you are talking about your needs, wants, etc.) is His Needs, Her Needs by Harley.

The first above is a quick read. It's really about creating some "rituals" that build strenght in the M. Trust me, it can and will boggle the mind. I have found that I treat my W WAY better than alot of her friends husbands do, but I did find that I wasn't understanding her needs at ALL.

In the end, as a venusian, your W needs you to listen and understand - and show that you understand by A/V'g and playing what she says back (at the right time of course).

Good luck.

Sven