I need some advice fast!! My husband has not been out with his friends since December 05 (I discovered his A in 10/05). He said that he stopped seeing them because I don’t like some of them, which is true. I don’t like them because they were privy to his A and they even helped him come up with lies to tell me and then they would cover for him. He expressed that he misses the comrade and would like to see them. I can understand this because he hasn’t gone anywhere or visited with friends since the bomb was dropped! He isn’t the type of guy to be gone every weekend (only the time during his A). He just likes to hang out with the guys every now and then. He recently got in touch with them and now he wants to go to a BBQ tomorrow. He did include me and asked if I wanted to go. I do NOT want to go. And I don’t want him to feel like he can’t go anywhere anymore. But I’m afraid if he goes then it will lead to him wanting to hang out with them every time there is something going on. I don’t want to behave like his parent and tell him what he can and cannot do….
Any advice from you guys out there would truly be appreciated!!!!
I don't know how to past my prior sitch, but it was: Forgive and Start the Healing Process
One more thing I forgot to add.....the BBQ involves a relative that pursuaded my H to have an A. He's been doing the same to his W since they got married. I feel very insecure when he is around this person!!!!!
First, it is never "being silly" to feel uncertain about someone who has once proven they can lie and cheat...it's natural. (I should know; I was the cheater, and I wouldn't have trusted me. )
I personally think your best bet is to tell your husband how you feel about this. make sure it doesn't sound like an attack. Just tell him you want him to have time with the guys, but the old familiar loop makes you uncomfortable. He obviously loves you enough to have come home and leave the OW, and probably isn't dumb enough to make the same mistake again.
As you learned through the whole ordeal of the A, communication is key. Let him prove to you that he can be trusted again.
I am so glad to hear from you! I was beginning to think that no one was going to give me any advice when I most needed it. Your little note steared me back to the right path. I almost made a big mess of this. A BIGGGGG thank you to you!!!
I agree with H2H. If you put the 'ol ball and chain on him, he's going to miss the days with the OW. However, you need to present this as an opportunity for him. If he sees this as an opportunity to go and not talk about OW not make a habit of hanging out w the guyes etc. He will feel better about himself and help build your trust.
My advice? Go with him and be happy he wanted to include you. Otherwise, let him go. You'll only make things worse if you try to keep him from his friends.
) 