Pain - A Question for all you ladies

[JAG_06]

Okay so I'll ask the question and then fill in details. So ladies, do you experience pain or soreness after having sex?

The reason I ask is that my W tells me that we can't have sex more than once in a day and that she's sore then next day as well so we can't have sex then either. Now I'm not a small man, but I'm not a giant either - My penis is about 8 inches long and about 4 inches in circumfrence (not width!). She has told me this throughout our M so its not something that has just developed, but I thought that after we'd been together for so long (and had sex so many times) and after she's had two children (yes vaginal births) that we wouldn't be having this issue still. And no this is not a lubrication issue either.

So I wanted to ask you women if you experience this same thing - and if you have any advice for us.

Thanks

[Greeneyedlass]

JAG,

What your W is telling you could very well be the truth. Women come in different sizes...just as men do, she could be someone who is smaller on the inside (which doesn't necessarily mean she'll stretch over time). Also, there could be a lubrication issue which causes chafing for her (and man that can be irritating!!) If you don't use lubrication, try some astroglide.

Also, obviously I don't know how fully you penetrate her...but you might try not going as deep as you usually do to see if that makes a difference too.

Just some thoughts. If she truly does experience discomfort...then have you discussed alternatives that she can do for you? Is she open to that?

GEL

[Lillieperl]

At times in the past, when I've experienced pain, it was usually because I had some kind of infection.

[Sandy_wants_to_try]

My experience is that a lot of times my H needed a lot of friction to O or took too long to O. Sometimes he couldn't O without going in and out very fast. Then, if his mind wandered, this would go on for a long time. Without some additional lubrication, yes I'd be in pain till the next day.
I never understood why he had to have that much friction.

BTW, I didn't mind being sore. It was a good sore. But it definately made me wary of ML again the same day. Specially since I knew a second time would probably mean he would take even LONGER to O and that it would make me even more sore!

[Greeneyedlass]

Lil,

Zactly, that too...I once was prone to infections at the drop of the hat. It did (as I recall make ML uncomfortable).

GEL

[Sandy_wants_to_try]

Have you asked her if there is anything you could differently to make her less sore?
I always thought that maybe trying different movements. Small movements inside - not fast in and out movements all the time, might make a difference.

[JAG_06]

Yes, we've had the discussion, but it basically boils down to her saying its because I'm so big. Broke my heart this weekend when my W told me she would ML with me all the time if she didn't hurt. Never thought I'd want to be smaller.

[honeypot]

How much lube do you use?

We use tons and I still get sore occasionally, if we've been doing it a lot.

How does she generally tolerate pain?

Incidentally, my H is about your size but the lube seems to make more of a difference than his bigness/friction.

How long do you take to O?

[JAG_06]

Lube - nothing but her natural lubrication and my saliva. Maybe we need to try something else. How should I bring this up with her? Well, how about the truth "Honey, I know that you hurt after we ML and I like to try something to see if we could help change that."

Pain - she doesn't mention anything about pain until the next day - Never during sex (except for a couple of times when she mentioned in a certain position I went to deep and it hurt - which I have avoided doing to her since). I think the reason she doesn't want to have sex twice in one day is that she thinks that will lead to more pain.

How long to O - Depends and it doesn't seem to make a difference to the pain - although honestly we haven't talked that much about it - but we should. Our ML sessions usually last roughly 30 minutes (sometimes longer sometimes shorter) - usually split evenly between oral sex/foreplay and actual vaginal sex. So I guess the answer to that question would be around 15 minutes of actual penentration.

[OG_Lou]

JAG_06. I am 62 and have been working with my W concerning a lack of her natural lubrication and recently vaginal pain.

The best thing I did was to start using Astroglide. We tried KY from the tube=OK; KY Warming=just fair, its not all that luby/slipery; and the Astroglide=I really like it and my W said it was better than the others.

IC 2X a day. Wow. JAG, from what I hear some women are built or have the ability to do IC for a couple of hours. I said some.

From the TV program on the Oxygen network on Sunday evening, "Talk Sex With Sue" program. some women can take only 10 minuets of thrusting, and that is once a day.

My advice is try the basic Astroglide (WalMart about $7)and see what that does.

My W complains a lot. If I use a lot of Astroglide it is messy. If I don't use enough, IC becomes painful. bottom line, use the amount that causes the least amount of pain.

I wish I would have found Astroglide sooner.

Any urinary tract infections (UTI's) history or history of her taking antibiotics? Medications? That is another can of worms

How should I bring this up with her?
Buy it and tell her you need to try it because she is chaffed/in some pain after having IC.

Being honest and non-judgmental works. What does not work is making excuses, skirting the issue, talking around the issue. Start with an attitude this is going to a good thing for both of us and assume there is an unwritten rule of good will and you have the best of intentions for both of you in anything you do.

Lou