I'm destroying every thing I've worked so hard 4

[cat03]

I'M SO MADDDDDD
I can't belive this, I'm just making things worse and worse just when we had a good C session yesterday, talk me donw, anybody.

I guess I did this all to myself, while freakingH was paying his cc online I checked past posts, and ouf course!!! what the hell else am I going to find but hundreds of dollars to restaurant we went to for our anniversary years ago, to a portrait shop and other expesive stuff.

THe topper????????????????????? almost 800 at a nude club, yes sir, 800. 2 wks after he came back we went to vegas, he went earlier because fo his tickets, he wanted me there too but because of kids I could. Well, I found out, had a huge fight about it, says it was a gambling place, was just trying to calm down,I checked the place again and it says nothign about gambling but that is a full nude lap dance place with vip rooms to do you know what. GREAT, freakeing great, just confronted him about it & he swears he just gambled and only looked. Am I supposed to believe that/???? I'm just so mad I could kill someone, him

He comes w/ the story that he was still feeling depressed and made another mistake, that he did talk to me days later asking me to leave all that happened behind (again, he was home w/me t2wks before trip, no wonder he was all miserable and worried when I joined.

I can't f'ing go and eat out as I want, deny my kids many things FOR WHAT??? so I can pay this [censored] his escapades, I'm loosing it so bad @#$@#$@#@

Big liar, was never going to tell me, then was mad that I was snooping at his CC bill online and tells me it will be even harder to trust him, I honeslty dont care right now, I'm too mad to think straight.

NO freaking wonder he barely has interest in me, if I don't have stripper's breast it is because I breastfeed HIS kids, here I am , trying to look nice for him, to attract him to me, what the hell for, I hate him so much right now.

[phoenyx]

you need to chill out...if you want you can call and screem at me to get it out, but reguardless you gotta relax....we can't control what others say and do...only how we react

[Delil@h]

SORRY TO HEAR YOU ARE SO MAD.
Try to calm down some.... hey I know its easier sad than done but unless he had a problem with that b4 ,,You should let it go.. men do stupid things sometimes and I am pretty sure it wasnt done with the intention to hurt you. (((( no offense guys)))).
Even if you dont have the breasts they do ((( hey neither do I)))) you are a beautiful woman and make sure you feel that and show it.... no we do not have their breasts but we have alot more to offer than just breasts... Please try to be ok and let this go its not worth you feeling ugly over.. you are special .
I dunno what to say to give you comfort just try to let it go and if he brings it up again calmy tell him it really hurt your feelings as much as he wants to downplay it.
hang in there and take care.

[cat03]

oh dear, I really lost my head for a while yes, it's that time of the month *SIGH*

Thanks for your support gals, and yes, he's never done this before and he was still in MLC fog and depressed. He did appologize a lot and he maintained control for a change.

Well, I'm 100% cured of snooping, if any of you has any doubt of what good it does and if it is worth it, well IT ISN'T, I wish I'd never seen any of those charges.

Lesson number 2, ladies, if your PMS'ing, don't get into any argument, it will get twice as bad, specially at night.

So there, instead of a good example I'm just a horrible warning.

I've been fighting all morning to get the stupid ideas of my head, about the stuff he bought. As I was thinking (I was at church!) about those sluts that worked at the place he went, lo and behold! my H comes into the church! --He hasnt' come to church for months! all the ideas I had went off my head, I dumped them, I was so glad to see him.

We are talking normal now, I thank God for giving me peace, thank Him too for this place where I can vent to understanding ears

Thanks again gals))))

[Gwyn]

Glad to hear your H came to church. He obviously feels a certain shame and guilt and wants to make it right. By all means, let him do this. It's for himself at the moment and has nothing to do with you. He wants to find his peace also. He knows he has screwed up and he wants forgiveness from his heavenly Father, then he can work on forgiveness from you. Snooping is normal, trust has been broken and there is no reason for you to believe a word he says, I understand that because I'm the queen of snoop. But your right, the only thing this does is to make matters worse and causes your imagination to run wild. My H had an A, the expensive dinners, the gifts, the cards, they are not separate violations, it is one in the same. That's what you have to understand, it is all bundled together in one package so forget the past, you can't change it, you can change what happens today and what happens tomorrow so work on the present and the future.

[cat03]

thanks gwyn, I do put every infraction on its own and stew about it... and nothing I can do or say now can change it, I manage the money now and nothing else can be done. What's still eating me is that he claims the cabaret he went to has gambling and that's where lost the money, I still dont' believe it, I checked the place on line and it has VIP rooms and lap dances but never mentions poker places nor gambling. Then again it was Vegas where even the airport had coin machines, arghh!!!!! help me get this out of my chest please!!

[Gwyn]

Okay. Think the worst, he went to a disgusting place. What will change for you? Will you call it quits? Will you leave him? Ask yourself these questions, then I think you can get a hold of this.

[cat03]

"no" to questions 2 and 3, I'm afraid question 1 is yes. During all this time I have carefully tried to be closer to him physically, I hold his hand, kiss him, initiate sx and generally try to make myself attractive for him.

Now, I feel like I dont' mesure up to the standar of a woman's body he now might have, of course other than denying he did anything physical and appologyzing about going there he hasn't reassured me about how he feels about me physically. OK, I know they are in no position of reassuring even themselves, but it makes me feel so worthless and unattractive, that spark I had, that desire to please him and touch him feels odd now, it doesn't feel right.

I almost want to cry, we were doing fairly well in our SL and now it is downhill, I was growchy about that yesterday and I told him why, he tells me now I"m "just like a man" now because I want it more than he does.

So it's back to square one, I know I can't make him feel attracted to me, he has to feel that on his own, but now I feel like he should also at least try to do little things (hold my hand, hug) now and then. I'm no model, but I have a good figure and look nice if I say so myself, my H not saying anything when long ago he used to shower me w/compliments makes me feel like a toad.

I feel that if I start to initiate physical contact he's going to think me desperate, he's the one who screwed up on that matter and now I'm the one who has to reach out YET AGAIN???? I know the answer, it just sickens me.

[Gwyn]

Back off, girl. Just be kind with no pressures. You don't need to initiate anything - that will come once you reconnect. You're not there yet so give it some time. I believe right now, you have to be the one to change, yeah, it sucks, but the end result may be just what you want. I know it goes against the grain, but what are your goals in this R? If it is to become more intimate, then you have to start at ground zero - just like when you were dating? You were on your best behavior then, right? Well, go back to the beginning. Win him over, just like you did when you were dating.

[JAG_06]

I agree with Gwyn. I think you need to back off. I thought that part of the problem I was facing is that I felt like I didn't pursue my wife enough and that was part of the reason why she had an A. But the thing I realized is that there are so many emotions and thoughts going through my W's head right now that the best thing for me to do was just to back off and let her figure stuff out. If I tried to pursue her, no matter how I did it, it came off as pressuring and desperate.