Okay - I haven't actually committed any acts of infidelity however, I am no longer attracted to my husband and I feel extremely attracted to another person who I know. I am also pretty transparent about the entire situation with that other person too. He is being a good friend and understanding that I am really not in a good place at this point and time which I appreciate but here is the worst part....I feel only replused by my husband's advances. I wish it wasn't the case but I have felt like this for at least a year now which is the worst part.
We just don't have lives that intersect anymore on anything except our child and the house.
My wife sounds EXACTLY like you do. Said almost every single word to me that you wrote in your description. Your not my wife are you?
MY opinion is get this other person out of your head. There is no way you can figure out the situation with your H if your head is full of thoughts for other people.
You owe it to yourself and your H and your child to at least do that.
Last edited by chicago111; 07/15/0611:14 PM.
WAW- 34
Me - 37
daugher -6
Together- 13.5 years
Married- 7.5 years
Bomblet--March, 06
The bomb --May, 06
Separated ---July 5, 06
I second wahat Chicago is saying. If you want more advice on this subject look up CrazedMom's thread. She's going through much teh same thing and you will get much advice simply by reading up on her sitch.
Hi - Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have read the CrazedMom's threads and it is very similar and I am working to get other people out of my head but that doesn't solve everything. The more honest that I am - the more that we fight. Now it is about money. I almost wish that I didn't need this to change so badly because I hate fighting in general.
And I am not the person from Chicago's wife. I am from the Twin Cities.
That's how my affair started. Innocent flirting and a wondering eye. I really never was attracted to my wife and felt I could "do better". However I think love is a choice. Just like hate. I have chose to love my wife.
Well I have left the OW. I do think about her and miss her, but I try to either associate the negative that will come about either in her personality or b/c of a divorce. Plus I do not love my wife and never have, but she does have positive attributes. I try to think of those and the good times we have had together.
It's funny I actually began reading one of the books that I have seen recommended for you. While reading it, I felt even more "love" for the OW. I quit reading the book.
I too had a honest true love prior to my marriage. I thought about her constantly. I think that was another thing that put a barrier in my marriage. Instead of choosing and learning to love my wife, I was comparing her and thinking about my old flame. It took me nine years to get past that.
Have you ever read the book "As a Man Thinketh". Basically it says you are what you think and dwell on. It's basic premise is cognitive reconstruction. It is a short book and a good read.
That's really my only advice, you will stay in the area of limbo until you choose to think about your future with your husband and not the OM. Don't think "I'm stuck with someone I don't love" Think about the good things he does, the good times y'all shared. When you do think about the OM, think about the hurt it will bring. If you really honestly do love the OM, and you may, why would you want to hurt all the lives around him? It' not just your life this will effect, it's his too. The divorce will effect people you do not even know. Isn't true love about sacrifice?
Ultimatley you have to decide to let go. I left the OW a few times during our affair, but it was because I felt I had to. After the reality of what I was doing and about to do set in, I WANTED to do it.
I'm not sure what will get you to that point, but I hope you do or many people will suffer.
