I am here to find help on how to save my marriage. I will not leave him! I just don't know how to get through this. How to get the mental images out of my head. We both want to work through this. I am here to get helpful advice from those here as well as counseling.
As far as I know, he is not seeing these OW anymore...he said that he quit when I agreed to start counseling. I am still watching for anything that doesn't seem right.
I did call my gyn today to ask what I should do to protect myself...they want me to go through the entire rash of STD tests! So I called him this morning to tell him that he needs to do the same! He wasn't very happy about it, but agreed.
By the way, what does s y d mean...I remember reading it in onne of my H posts where someone commented back to him that s y d and DBing don't go together.
It stands for the name of an e-book I believe called Stop your divor.... I see a lot of people refer to it by abbreviations because I guess this site doesn't like it talked about? I don't know. I have never seen any other censorship other than bad words here so...
Hope that helps.
GH
P.S. BTW from what I have seen posted about that book, it does not mix well with DBing.
TTH, I see where you are coming from. The trust will take time to rebuild. You are in a good place right now. It is going to take alot on your part to understand and eventually forgive. Your R is worth it, it is time to step back a little and give things a little time to heal. Accept the fact that at one time, he was lost, hurt and very confused. He needs to come about and become committed to only you. These things will take time. As others have said, I think the truth lies somewhere in between both stories. This is in the past.
"It does not matter, it is in the past"-Rafiki the baboon in the Lion King.
just_plain_hopeful
Anywhere's walking distance when you have enough time
To give up when all is against you is a sign of being weak and cowardly. --Chief Eagle, Teton Sioux
Having a bad day today...very depressed! H has been very cooperative...answers whatever questions I ask without getting rightous or fighting back. I'm trying to be respectful in the way I ask my questions...I believe he is very remorseful...he sees the pain I'm in.
Quote: Having a bad day today...very depressed! H has been very cooperative...answers whatever questions I ask without getting rightous or fighting back. I'm trying to be respectful in the way I ask my questions...I believe he is very remorseful...he sees the pain I'm in.
I just want the pain to go away!!
Exercise, like a brisk walk, helped me a lot when I was hurting. It get's those endorphins moving.
I don't know if this will help you. In my own sitch, I went through the same phase as you are in..... needing to have all my questions answered. It is a very exhausting place to be. I think it is only natural to want to figure out what has gone on in your life. However, you, not your H, has the power to move you out of this phase. You have to come to the realization that you have enough info and then make the conscious choice to forgive and move on.
Believe me, I know that is not easy. I have never been a particularly forgiving person and never felt myself capable of forgiving such a horrible wrong. One day, I realized that I was keeping myself in this sad, depressed place. I made the choice to forgive my H for ME. Forgiveness really is a present you give yourself more than the other person. Once I had forgiven him, a lot of the pain and depression disappeared. Letting go really does work.
One point I would like to make. Our sitches are not really the same but I have learned that when a person gives up the affair partner, they have to go thru a grieving process of their own. If you are not seeing some kind of grieving or depression or whatever you want to call it from your H, then I doubt that he has given up whatever he was doing. It is a loss for the cheater to give up their OW/OM. And if you don't see any signs of it, then it probably hasn't happened. And, remorse is not necessarily an indication that they are experiencing a "loss". Be very careful with the difference in these two.
Can you and your H overcome this? Absolutely. You both have to want it. You both have to choose it.
I wish you all the best.
Spitfire23
Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. Mark Twain
