2nd Time Learning IV

[IWB]

Another update after a long time.
I am really not sure if things are happening or not. I have wondered if I should be writing so much here since it sometimes seems someone outside of the people involved are reading.
OM is out of contact, and it seems this is over for her emotionally. But, W is still in replay. Tattoos are very important, and she constantly talks about the tattoo artist (here we go again). I wonder how she will feel with this stuff all over her when this is over.

I am doing things to stay sidetracked, but not really getting a life. I feel my faith has disappeared, or is only half as strong as before. I am not overly sad or depressed as I was, and seem to be dealing with everything well.

Things crashed for W a few weeks ago, and she wanted affection again. Again, I won't be specific since I question whether someone had found this thread. I pushed her away this time, supporting her with words. I had not desire to be hurt again. I am getting an I don't care attitude, and it bothers me somewhat that I might be messing this whole thing up. Someone mentioned that when w is ready to come back, she will try to reconnect. Will I even care then?

[Smurf_SMR]

IWB

Good to see you post an update. The progress is pitifully slow isn’t it?

You have certainly come a long way, and you have received some awful punches along the way, you have become much stronger.

…supporting her with words. I had not desire to be hurt again. I am getting an I don't care attitude, and it bothers me somewhat that I might be messing this whole thing up.

In just those few sentences, you have demonstrated the principles of DBíng. Tough Love, PMA and Detachment. You wont be messing it up. With this distancing, you may even see some pursuing

The feelings you are experiencing, are very normal. I certainly felt the same, unfortunately I got sucked back, now that the ice maiden has shown bit of a thaw.

[brueniap]

It sounds to me like you are being the perfect DBer IWB. And you are getting a life by finding things to do to occupy your mind. And obviously you are learning to detach. All good things. It's ok to shut down a bit mentally to avoid the hurt again and again.

If she starts to come back toward you - and you ask "will I even care?" well, really, IWB - it doesn't matter. If you don't care anymore it won't hurt you any. You've done what you can. It certainly isn't anything that you need to worry about now. It would be her problem to work out with you. Some here just decide they can not do it anymore. No one holds it against them for say "no more!".

But I will get on your case about your faith. Don't give it up IWB - that's how you got this far. God has not left you like your wife did. HE IS ALWAYS THERE.

And you will be ok.

Hugs to you friend.......and prayers. One of these days life will look brighter.

love,

brue

[IWB]

Thank you all again.

Is getting a life just a form of self medication, or covering up the problem? At least it looks like that may have been the reason with me. Mind occupied, and yet it brought sadness. Sometimes I think people are generally mean.

I saw this in a gift catalog today, and think it will be my credo from now on.

They may see the good you do as self serving,
Continue to do good.
They may see your generosity as grandstanding,
Continue to be generous.
They may see your warm and caring nature as a weakness,
Continue to be warm and caring.
For you see in the end,
it is between you and God,
It was never between you and them anyway.

[DBHOPEFUL]

I like that very much.
DBH

[IWB]

I am wondering if I have come to the end of tolerating all this?

Distancing has only made her more distant. She has made no attempt to reach out, and I built a wall when she was weak and needed me. I feel deserted with no one to talk to or turn to. I am alone, and will be alone, and I don't like this feeling.

The guy at her work is gone, although she still thinks something was there and can be there, and she has now enthrawaled with her tattoo guy. I have a feeling she will cover her body with these things so she can spend time to be near him.

I feel as though I have lost any growth I had. I am tired of this. I really want to go to sleep and not wake up until this nightmare is over.

I am sorry for being so negative to everyone here. I hope this is a temporary setback.

[brueniap]

I wanted to post to you quickly as I won't be at my computer the next couple days (at least I don't think I will be).

You tugged at my heart strings IWB. I honestly don't know what I would do if my spouse still lived at home and carried on the way so many do here at the mlc board. You have to do what is best for you to keep you going. I see you somewhat beating yourself up a bit for not being there for her when she was "weak" as you put it and needed a shoulder. Hey - you did what you could handle. Don't apologize for it. It's not like she hasn't put you in this position by her actions.

You need to decide if you can go on like this. If you can't - no one would hold it against you for no longer hanging in there. Sometimes it is just more than we can bear. You have to listen to your heart and know what's best for you.

Please keep holding on to God's hand. He is still there for you IWB. We can count on Him to guide us thru these tough times.

Thanking you for replying on my thread. I always appreciate hearing from you. You are very special.


hugs for your day,

brue

[IWB]

Well I confirmed it. She is in complete love of the Tattoo Guy, and claims his feeling is mutual. Strange that he would so willingly want her. Yes I snooped...I was wrong, but I new it anyhow deep down

So I am crushed, and tired if this. I think it may be time to move on. She has no desire to get out of this, and I was never her type of guy anyhow. I put up with alot, even before all this. I don't see it being any different when she is out.

So guys, I really need some sense talked into me; clarification if there is anyone out there. Please don't tell me I must do what I feel is right. I am not sure this is right. I just want to be loved again....I have lost much love this past year.

[Smurf_SMR]

We have been down this route before, when there was an infatuation with the guy at the school, and she would rub your nose in it. I know this must hurt, but you know the relationship will pass and end in tears.

The MLC'er may not be responsible for their actions but they are accountable. Is it time to set some bounderies? or even show her the door?

[brueniap]

I'm kinda in agreement with Smurf. She's been enjoying her life very much without having to lose out on anything. So fine - if she doesn't want you anymore - perhaps it's time to move on - for HER to move on.

It can still happen without you guys living in the same house. Or not - it's so hard to make these decisions. All I know - is I don't think one should be "dating" and having all the privileges of marriage like nothing has happened. And I don't consider that to be DBing by being a doormat. If they wish to date....ok.......bye bye.

Harsh as it seems - something has to snap into place for you or you'll be a complete basket case IWB.

I think of you often - you're in my prayers friend!

brue