Just a question of curiosity and I need some more inspiration to keep going. How long is your spouses affair, did they come back yet, and how long have you been DB'ing. My WAW met OM 7 months ago online, moved out 3 months ago, and I have been DB'ing for 4 months. I am still waiting for the A to end.
My W met (I think) OM in November, bombs fell on December 30th, affair lasted another 4 months, then ended (99% sure). W lived at home the whole time. It's been about 1 1/2 months since OM left the picture and we're still very much a work-in-progress even to get to the reconciling stage.
W says she is committed to our marriage, but no $ex yet and no other intimacy to speak of.
I have GREAT hopes that we will someday be a success story but the long journey still continues for me.
GH, Thanks, our MC recommended "controlled seperation" within the first 30 minutes of our first visit, I couldn't stop it then, when we went to MC , I never thought there was an A, but MC later said he knew by her actions as soon as she started to speak. There are so many "IF ONLYS" as I call them, that run through your head and beat you up at night when you are by yourself and she is in arms of OM. IF ONLY she told me she wasn't happy, IF ONLY I saw the warning signs, IF ONLYS can go on forever. The key is that you can't change the past, you can only control yourself, improve yourself and realize your actions that brought your family to this point, take care of your kids, be a role model for your kids, and pray like you have never prayed before in your life.
My H has been having a long-distance A for 10 months, A was revealed and H dropped "the bomb" 6 months ago. H also moved out then, although H's computer/office is still here in our home. I started DBing about 1 week later, so over 5 months of DBing on my part. We have had regular contact since H moved out, although it has been somewhat less frequent lately. H is in MLC, and I am still looking forward to the day when the A will end also.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
I discovered my wife's affair on 5/1/06 (confronted her that night). The A has been going on, so far as I can tell, for about 10 months. I started the elements of DB, in the form of GAL (without having discovered DB) about two weeks after d-day. So, I guess I've been DB'ing... very slowly... for a little over a month. W and I still live together, with no signs of her leaving of her own accord, and no clear signs that DB'ing is having an impact on her decision to continue the A ... which is why I'm DB'ing for me, right now, and not her (or at least I try to tell myself that).
Really looking for some inspiration, it seems like WAW and OM just keep getting closer together, he is living at her apartment, all his belongings are there, and the children are around him. I would love to hear a success story where the WAW and OM were so close, but it finally ended and the WAW came home. I just hope I'm not working towards a fairy tale that will never come true.
Well, I found this site in Jan/06... W dropped bomb 3/29/05, changed her mind 4/2/05, changed her mind AGAIN about 4/12/05, moved out 4/26/05 OM bit the dust about the end of Jul 05 and told her it was over 8/18/05... BUT.... we were Div'd 5/19/06
Since then I have almost finished detaching and GAL, including dating a certain someone that I've seen off and on for some time although it wasn't very serious. Still isn't, but we see each other more frequently... And XW is STILL hung up on OM despite his immaturity (and hers!) He doesn't want anything to do w/ her and they don't communicate so my sources say...
C has told me that since XW dropped the bomb and moved out so fast that was just one more sign that this has less to do w/ ME than w/ her issues. So now I try not to interact more than nec. for the kids and their issues. Have not brought up US or initiated a R type talk since April. Have not tried to "fix" any of her problems, money or otherwise. I figure she has about another 6 months to go before she hits rock bottom and realizes she royally screwed up, then we'll see. And maybe I'm TOTALLY off base and she will move on just fine.... EITHER way, I'll be okay and things will be fine. I'm either rid of someone that couldn't have a real relationship, or things will be unbelievable IF we ever have another R... And for this mid 40's guy I've also had my ego boosted by being in the position of being (and wanting to!) able to TURN WOMEN down that made their intentions obvious. Pretty cool to be able to say, nah, not interested right now. 20 years ago whoda thunk?? And finally people at work have heard that I'm D'd... Someone made a smartass comment the other day about me finding out how to live in the poorhouse (he's div'd) and I said, yeah, I've got the house, the kids, my ENTIRE [401k], and she pays me CS!! Shut him up!
