Well my W is out of town. We had a MC session before she left and it was one of those sessions that reinforced what I had been telling her. Of course, she detaches when it does not go her way; i.e. when MC says I should do something, the W is on board - but if MC says she need to work on sex - then MC is "off base". She even actually admitted she feels more detatched after the session.
I had previously told her that I did not want to have sex when I knew she did not. She got angry about the MC and said she wanted me to have sex to show me what it's like to be asked to do something that you do not want to do.
Anyway, I just feel weird now when we speak over the phone. It's like I am just going through the motions. Inevitably something happens and one of says we'll call right back, but then do not call back for hours.
Before I was frustrated with the "no/little sex" issue as there was such a 180 degree change from pre-marriage to marriage sex frequency & type. Now I feel more like whatever, nothing I can do about it. The MC says she needs to work on it and she just says she does not want to have sex...so nothing happens. At least the MC said that I am not unreasonable and that the M will fail eventually without sex.
Maybe this is a natural progression. I was frustrated, worked on issues she wanted, etc. in hopes that would help. Now, maybe bc she is out of town, I just seem very relaxed about it. Perhaps this is the natural "detachment" phase that is the beginning of the end.
I love my W dearly and have been committed to help her in her life's journey (problem solving, emotional support, help w/ her kids, finances, etc), but I have got very little, if any, progress from her on the one issue I asked to be resolved, returned to normal.
Maybe I just see now that she will not or cannot return to her pre-marriage self. Therefore, I am left with either a no/little sex marriage (where moon/stars need line up and I do every little thing & big thing she asks) or walking away. Perhaps that has finally sunk in and I know where this is headed.
Sorry Truman, I think we all get to a point where that happens. Then something happens where it gives ya a little bit of hope and throws ya back in the hope mood again. Hang in there, maybe W will see you attitude difference and make changes.
I have begun to wonder if I want that "something happens where it gives ya a little bit of hope and throws ya back in the hope mood again", as you mentioned.
Isn't that just stalling the inevitable? I'd like some stability, one way or the other. These last 2 years have been an emotional drain that has effected my productivity across the board. Decisions in limbo, aspirations put on hold and generally dwelling only in the present without hope for change in the future.
I am just so tired of the "he said, she said" that never results in anything but status quo.
Quote: Isn't that just stalling the inevitable? I'd like some stability, one way or the other. These last 2 years have been an emotional drain that has effected my productivity across the board. Decisions in limbo, aspirations put on hold and generally dwelling only in the present without hope for change in the future.
Many times every day I make the decision to leave... then a while later I make the decision to stay. Neither decision sticks for long. I'm making myself crazy.
Quote: Many times every day I make the decision to leave... then a while later I make the decision to stay. Neither decision sticks for long. I'm making myself crazy.
Boy do I know that feeling. I have over the past 7 years made those very decisions. Back and forth, back and forth. I talk to my single friends in my age group and its amazing the crap they go through dating. I don't want that either
Sometimes I wonder if anyone is really, truely happy.
I can relate to this feeling too, having had ambivlaence about the marriage for so many yrs. It makes you crazy. Sometimes I wish I had the religious convictions of some here on the board instead of harboring the divorce fantasy. Then at least you're miserable but stable.
Anyway, my solution was to commit to the marriage with the exception of some hard boundary stuff ( like serious adiction, affairs, abuse, etc). Even those things I might tolerate if he were working on himself. I have to say, it has helped my overall mind frame to have this sense of commitment. The path may be a hard one, but at least I feel grounded. Guess I am learning to accept and make the best of things. My new catch-all phrase is that I want to " optimize reality."
I like that miserable but stable. I can relate, but actually I am not miserable, unhappy maybe, but not totally miserable, if I was, I would either move to the basement or leave. We have been talking more lately and he said something that makes me realise he has his own set of resentments with me. Recently my son and his finace called it quits and I have been pretty occupied with that, alot of soul searching within myself due to son being a real jerk.
