It has been a long road....a long time....but if I had held onto my pain and anger I know without a doubt my H would not be in my life.....nor would he be around for our children...
But none of this will happen over night....I have been piecing now for 7 months.....but it is much more rewarding to be piecing then to be crying alone every night....
imLIN, you are obviously farther ahead in this chain of thought than me, I'm still putting the final bricks on the tomb of past hurts. I blew it on Sun., it was my b-day you see, and H knew the date but didnt' realize it was this past Sunday. Every year he'd plan so far ahead it was almost silly, made a big deal and got me something good weeks ahead. This year he realized on sat. that my b-day was the next day, still hadn't gotten me anything either. When he was dating OW he had her b-day on his calendar, wrote what kind of cake he'd get, and spent hundreds on a ring he designed (he ended up keeping it)
I was so upset comparing the two sitchs and I actually threw that on his face, I regreted it later but I couldnt' help it. Guess I"m still 1% still jelous about OW.
Anyways... it really hit home, what your H said to you, I want my H to say that to me, I dont' think he'd say that now, I'm really working on it though! I'll keep that phrase in mind
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
You know I have had my moments of blowing things....this is what I would do...sincerely tell my H I am sorry...that I am still working through a lot of stuff myself...admit I had no right to throw the OW in his face....after all H is with me.... One thing that you can do is not get hung up on how he USED to do things....things will be different now... Our anniversary this year....our 26th, we went out to shoot some pool and have a few beers....I didn't bring up that it was our anniversary....it was beginning to hurt but I was determined not to ruin an otherwise good evening....we were just starting to see each other again... and really how could I expect him to wish me a "HAPPY anniversary"?.... Part way through the night he turns to me and says "So what are we celebrating here?"....I acted a bit coy and said "What do you mean?"...and he says "Well I'm not sure what to say, it is our anniversary but are we celebrating it?"....I said "I am just enjoying a night out with you... yes it is our anniversary but hopefully there will be more down the road and better times ahead"... I could have gone off on him for being so unconnected to the date....but instead I took comfort in that he at least remembered and he was at least with me... So next time there is a special occasion that he is with you....even if he remembers that day or during the date... take comfort in the fact that he is WITH YOU.... It was hard for me to do but I had to start appreciating the little things....letting go of the petty things....and not comparying anything he did or said with the OW to us... If I did I would be eating myself up....you see I heard him on the phone express his love to her and her to him... I haven't heard him say "I love you" to me since the day he left me at my nieces wedding and never came home....well he did say it once when he was so drunk he couldn't stand up....and remembered nothing the next day so I sort of don't count that one... But my point is....focus on the positives...become a positive person....express your appreciation just for his company.....for any little thing he does nice....like remembering the day before it was your B-day...and dismiss the negative stuff unless it is something that will effect your health or your life... Oh...and don't beat yourself up when you mess up....just remind yourself your imperfect....and keep trying....and let him know you aren't giving up....and that you don't want to be the person who reminds him of his faults...that is why you are going to focus on his attributes.... It is never too late, as long as your breathing, to start over....
imL, thanks for that great insight, I guess things will be different, and me pushing for what was isns't going to help anybody, I want him to do things for me if he really means it, it wouldnt' mean much for me if he were to make a huge deal out of an event and not have his heart in it, you are so right.
Jag, I had a great session!! I had this concept about H so deep in my head that I didnt' see it from another angle, as we dicussed the two events that prompted us to fight last week I saw how my incapacity to cooperate and follow and ask him questions led me to believe he was just being a jerk. *SIGH* i was so sure of his mistakes that I didnt' really saw what I was doing myself.
Oh! it was amazing, just the same day I read imL's post about what her H said, the C asked us what positive things happened to us. I mentioned how I dont' have the resentment I had before and it felt better being together. My H actually said "I feel better when I come home, I like it better"
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
