Well everyone congratulate me! If the judge gets around to it... I will be officially divorced today!
Isn't this just sooooo great! 28 frigging years of my life smashed to smithereens and ground to nothing in the garbage disposal of life!
So yeah... I will be moving out at the end of the month (AFTER I get my half of the equity in our house)... Isn't this going to be sooo fun! Single and free at 45! I get to date! Yeah! Just what I hoped and dreamed for since I was a little girl!
So what i want to know is why can't I detach? Why can't I be mean and tell my now xH to frig off? That I never want to see his lying, self-centered, jacka** face again? Why can't I tell him... I hope you're miserable and wake up everyday for the rest of your life wondering why you let me go?
I am so angry. I am so hurt. I am so sad. And I am so scared.
I sincerely hope that all of you have better luck and that God takes your R's in the opposite direction than mine.
Good post! Sounds like you got something out of your system.
Feel better??
Now, get on with things.
I can only imagine how hard this must be for you right now. I understand all of your feelings and I am pretty sure they are all very normal.
I do not know anything about your situation except what you just posted here, but I couldn't help but repsond to you.
You got out the things you want to say to xH here. Does that help you? If so, then let US have it. I don't think it will do any good to say those things to him and in the end it won't really make you feel any better either. Just my opinion.
I am not really in a position to be giving out advice so I will try not to tell you too much about what you "should" do.
Except to say this.... even though you don't see it right now, this just may be the best thing that ever happened to you. A piece of advice that I have been given here that will apply to you also is to focus on YOU! This is your time, make the very most of it. Do what you want to do. Do everything for yourself that you always wanted to do. Everything else will fall into place. I just know it.
Keep a positive attitude and keep busy. Throw that party!!
My thoughts and prayers will be with you and I am here if you need to do anymore venting.
Baffled: Hang in there. I can only imagine how freaked out you must feel right now considering that you have been with this guy since you were 17. Though, trust in yourself that you will be able to handle it. If you were strong enough to deal with all the stuff your H threw at you, then you are strong enough to handle anything. The best advice I can give is, turn to your friends for support and try to keep busy. You can and will be ok!
As always, I am rooting for you up here in the PNW.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
Yes... I was pretty angry when I wrote that and, lol, yes it did help to get it out of my system. The problem I have is in the concentrating on ME. I really don't think I know how to do that! Kind of pathetic I know but I have been 'wife and mother' for my entire adult life.
This may seem like a pretty funny question, but any suggestions on how this is accomplished?
Hey Brian... thank you so much. You would never believe how long a pep talk goes with me! And I DO know (somewhere back in the far reaches of my mind) that I will be okay... I think the biggest emotion (besides hurt) is disbelief. I simply can't believe this is REALLY happening. Not that I'm in denial... I do know it is... but... do you know what I mean? As far as friends go... that would a nice crutch to fall back on... but as I have no friends (a long story)... well... but I'm pulling myself up by my bootstraps and moving on... (which will probably be a huge surprise to my xH) I do want to say... thanks for being there... and I'll get back to reading up on your situation... haven't been on here alot lately...
Quote: The problem I have is in the concentrating on ME. I really don't think I know how to do that! Kind of pathetic I know but I have been 'wife and mother' for my entire adult life.
The first thing you do is stop calling yourself "pathetic." You must be kind and compassionate toward yourself above all. And you must be PATIENT.
It is not pathetic at all to have lost yourself a bit while being part of a couple for so long. It is perfectly natural and perfectly understandable. I was this way after my husband died. We got married when I was 40 and we were only married for 10 years, so it's not like I had my whole life with him. But even so, after he died, I absolutely did not know what to do with myself. My whole life had been focused on him. I used to love to be by myself when he would go off fishing or something, but after he died, I couldn't stand to be alone. Normally I'm quite a solitary person. (I'm an only child and so was my husband. Coincidentally, so is my current bf.)
So... here comes the Be Patient part again. Give yourself time... I would say give yourself at least a year to feel steady on your feet. That doesn't mean it can't happen sooner, but don't berate yourself if you burst into tears at times, avoid certain parts of town, want to sleep with the lights on, etc.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Don't judge yourself or scold yourself for any feelings that come up.
I'm also divorced from my first husband. We were married five years and I've been divorced for over 30 years... but for the first TWO years I couldn't listen to the radio because every song made me cry. I never regretted the divorce, but I was still very sad. He married again within the year and he's still married to the same woman (someone I introduced him to).
You'll get through this.. did I mention BE KIND TO YOURSELF!
Hey Lil... did I mention how much I love your posts!
You are so encouraging and make me realize that I am not abnormal or weak for feeling like I do!
Quote: BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Don't judge yourself or scold yourself for any feelings that come up
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! I know that I do this to myself so much. I cry and think... 'you are so weak', I get angry and think... 'you are such an idiot'...
As of right now... I will not think such things anymore... I will KNOW that I am not the only one that goes through these things...
Party at my new apt... July 1! hahaha
Did I mention... Thank YOU?!