Ok so how do you reconcile when the the other spouse filed for divorce. I asked my H last night "How do you know when to try again? and his response was it just has to happen." what is that suppose to mean?
I don't know when is the right time either. In my case, he makes no effort to talk to me. I assume he wants to close this chapter of his life. Which means I need to close this chapter too. I have emailed him with frivolous light comments and he responds sometimes but after I do it I feel so pathetic because it is like I am chasing after him. But you know what, if he doesn't want to reciprocate...then yes, move on with your life. Learn from your mistakes and try to do better with your life in the future. I have resolved to not call or email him again. If he emails or calls I will respond. But if that doesn't happen, then I have to know that my life is still good and will go on. I don't have kids and we no longer live in the same state, so seeing him is not an issue. For those that do, I cannot imagine how difficult that would be.
Poohpah, a really good friend once told me he's seen a lot of people divorce over the years and what he usually sees is the one big fight that splits the couple up, and then a chain reaction of one hurting the other until reconciliation seems impossible. I know for myself, I felt so deeply hurt that my husband left me, I felt no recourse other than divorce. Now he is asking me to consider reconciliation, but on the other hand is fine with me dating other men (??). This doesn't sound too promising to me. But at least we met and talked.
I think that's what you need to do with your guy. Phone him and try to meet if you can, if he's willing. Face to face is really best. It's your m-a-r-r-i-a-g-e, face to face is worth it. The thing to do is drop our pride and just let the other person know what WE want. After that, we have no control what our ex's say or decide. But whatever, they do say or decide, I believe completely informs our next move.
So I was having a pretty good week, trying not to think about him and everything that went wrong and not crying. I kept myself occupied with other stuff. Last night I come home and there is a box waiting at my front door. It was from him. He mailed me all of our albums, frames, wedding cards, anniversary cards, and nic-nacks that he didn't want as a reminder of me in the apartment. The worst was that he sent back his wedding band. So basically he is done with me. I cried until my eyes were swollen, not just because our marriage had ended but because I somehow expected more decency from him. I thought he would take the higher road and not purposely send me these things to continue to rub salt in my wounds. But he didn't take the higher road...and I realized how little this person cared about me. I know he is hurting and you do mean stuff when you hurt. But I am hurt too and I don't do these kinds of things to him (at least I don't think so). Anyway, I was so numb last night and today...it is basically over. I mean yes we are divorced, but at this point I don't see any reason to every contact him or effect a discussion about reconciliation. It's sad but this is it.
