So yeah... I can't stop laughing... the thing is... it's not a GOOD laugh... it's a about-to-go-postal laugh! hahahahahahahahahaha
So yeah... while my H was napping Sat. I heard a nice, soft voiced OW on my H's voice mail ... just letting him know that she "won't be able to see him tonight or this weekend". That is just FRIGGING WONDERFUL!!
I guess lying being a bad thing doesn't apply to HIM! And you want to know what is REALLyyyyyyyyyyyy hysterical????? He STILL says that nothing is going on!! OMG!!! He really thinks that I am a MORON!
So yeah... (again)... he breaks it to me (finally got up the guts I guess) that he wants a D. But he doesn't actually say it... (maybe not full fledged guts) instead he says... 'lets divide up the pictures'.. hahahahahahaha I told him 'eff you... you divide up the pictures!' Not very mature I know ... sue me!
so yeah... he finally tells me her name.. Carla... but the thing is, I already know about Carla... so I think H just told me that to give me a name... I think my H is so full of SH*T!
Oh yeah... the whole reason for the D! And this is frigging classic... "I love you... but I'm not 'In Love' with you" What a cop out!
Tell me if I'm just blowing smoke up my own skirt here... but I told him that he could NOT have been talking to/carrying on R's with OW or OW plural if he was REALLY committed to working on OUR R. That it was NOT possible to do both. (he seems to think his OW R's has no bearing on our R??????? WTF!)
So yeah... (last one) I hope you all are more successful than me in you DB... Congratulate me! At 45 I get to start a whole new life... in a little apartment... just like when I was 18!! yeah!
I'm so sorry that this is what you've found out. I'm not at all surprised that he's trying to gaslight you though. Deny, deny, deny....then the I love you but I'm not in love with you crap. I also do not think you are blowing air up your own skirt either....he was not committed to working on your M if he was having an R with OW/'s.
This is the time to stand up for yourself. So, are you going for a D immediately, or are you going to give this some time and separate to see if #1 you really want a D, and #2 he gets to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side. I wouldn't be at all suprised if find that in a few weeks/months he comes running back to you.
Once again, I'm so sorry for the pain you must be in and the anger you must be feeling. The only upside I can come up with for you right now is this....now you know the truth. Now YOU can move forward.
Hang in there...we are still here for you if/when you need us.
I am really sorry to read how your weekend went. Your H sounds like a real piece of work. Though, something just does not add up. If you heard the VM and confronted him with it, why didn’t he just confess? Maybe I misread, but did he admit he is seeing some one? Did he go into detail and explain the extent of what he is doing? I don’t mean to downplay, but how do you know it is an A and not just a friend? Silly thought, but have you thought about calling up Carla and asking her what her intentions are with your H? If the voice matches, then you can thank her for the STDs your H has come down with. If the voice does not match, then you know there is yet some one else. I know this seems really terrible right now, but considering the magnitude of what you are about to do, it might be good to get all the facts out in the open. What do you think?
P.S. Yes, I decided to login this morning to see how every one is doing.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
Well,this really sucks, doesn't it? Yes, the old "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line is so overused, that it's abbreviated on this site as ILYBINILWY.
As GEL said, you've got some choices to make. The first thing I'd do is consult an attorney. Too bad you're not in Missouri... I happen to know a real junkyard dog of an attorney who'd take care of you. (Ms.Hdog does this kind of stuff).
she "won't be able to see him tonight or this weekend Sorry to hear you got the speech and that your H seems to have an OW. I don't know how some people find the time to do it.
MANY people deny, deny, deny when they are having A's....it's a very common thing to do; it's known as gaslighting. Would you believe many people still deny when confronted with unrefutable proof?! (video tapes, photographs, voice recordings etc...heck people even deny when someone walks in on them "it's not what you think!") If this woman was merely a friend why didn't his own W know he was planning on seeing her? Why didn't he tell her she was just a friend and invite her along? Too much is far too fishy Brian. Also, if he wasn't having an affair...why not say "I'm not having an affair."? Most people, when doing nothing wrong, will at the very least attempt to defend themselves in some manner.
His behavior....unfortunately, is very suspect of an A. In fact....he's going pretty much by the script.
GEL Thanks for the insight. Yes, it sadly really sounds bleak indeed. I guess my point is that I would want to nail down as many facts as possible before making a decision though. 20+ years of M is a really huge thing to end. Even with the writing on the walls and tensions high, I still think it important to know where things really stand.
Sure, it looks 99% certain that her H is being a tool. Plus, his ILYBINILWY garnish really completes the beautiful dish of hurt he is serving Baffled. Though, in the off chance that some how things do turn around, it would really make a difference to know weather it was a PA or just a EA. Well, at least that would make a difference to me.
Baffled I really feel for you. In case it helps, know that your fan base up north is rooting you on.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
OMG... thanks all of you... GEL, Brian, HD and Lou...
To answer some questions... Yes... H denies having A... (after confronted with phone call) he says that OW/s are 'just friends'. He says that he was going to take a friend 'shooting' to teach her how to handle her gun since she lives alone now. Now... this is the same OW (divorced now) that was actively pursuing him not 7 months ago and he promised me that he had not talked to since last Jan/Feb. after she made her feelings known. Lies, lies, lies!
When he had his A 17 years ago, he SWORE to me that he would never do that to me again... and he says that he has not. I do believe that he has not had sex with anyone else... yet. But he HAS (obviously) been keeping in contact with these OW that ARE pursuing him. (Strokes his ego don't you know)
Also. I am not the one wanting the D... he is. (Still me... with this pathetic hope... GOD!) This makes the 5 time he has decided that he wants a D. And he's pushing kind of hard. Maybe he's afraid he'll change his mind... again. I don't know though. Even if he does... I think I've had it. I'm pretty much broken down as far as I can go. (Never in front of him anymore. I NEVER let him see me cry.)
GEL... I know what you mean about gaslighting... and I feel like that there is things that he is not telling me... BUT... when he had his A before... he DID admit it within a week, without proof. I don't understand why? Why stay with me, stringing me along, if he wants THEM???
Oh Sh!t Baffled. What I can say - I know how you feel. But more than once SUCKS. I got those promises about not doing it again, and so far so good, but I guess once a cheater always a cheater. It's the justifications I can't stand. EA/PA what's the difference? It's not an A until his d!ck's in her - I don't think so - sounds too much like Bill Clinton to me.
Like GEL says - at least you KNOW now - and you can move forward.
take care
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
(Ms.Hdog does this kind of stuff).
