Quote: when we make our mistakes and try to move on... are our 'lessens learned' a ruse to just lessen the pain of our situation?
No, self-preservation drive will motivate the mind to deal with the pain of the situation all on its own. “Lessons learned” are the educational byproduct or result of the self analysis and healing processes.
Quote: Are there really any lessens learned?
Yes, there are. Let’s take your situation for example. You have learned that you deserve both love and respect from your H. He needs to start showing you more of that love and respect by cutting out his deliberately flirtatious behavior with other women. Furthermore, he needs to put his ring back on because you see his ring as a symbol of his commitment to you and your M.
Quote: Does any of it... this REALLY work
Yes, it in fact does. Though, the fact that a M takes two people means that one motivated and loving partner can sometimes have a really difficult time seeing progress. Though, you are a fantastic person that deserves love and nurturing. Thus, you are going to press on until your H figures out how to properly convey those things.
GUB… I take it you had the talk?
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates
Nope... just call me a chicken! Okay... part chicken. I did talk to him about the OW situation. I'm not sure he was really happy with what I, yes, calmly, said to him. (That I thought that if these OW were getting to the point where the they were expressing a serious 'interest'; then he is either encouraging them or letting the flirting go too far.I also told him that if 'they' were what he wanted to go otherwise I didn't want to know about these OW anymore.)
I turned into a big feather sprouting chicken when it came to the ring part. And I'm ambivalent about broaching the subject now. Don't misunderstand, I am wearing mine (and I know he had to have noticed) but then... my H knows where his is... if he wanted to wear it, wouldn't he?
He is so driving me nuts lately... Puts his arms around me when we are in bed but only gives me small 'pecking' kisses... and that's only once when we are both leaving for work in the a.m. He used to sit with me on the sofa at night, now he alternates sitting with me and sitting alone on the love seat... I am trying to make allowances for his rib injury... maybe I just get my feelings hurt too easily...
It pisses me off because I've been crying on and off the last two days (not when H sees me!) You know what's really hard? All those romantic love songs and love scenes in the movies! It's all going to drive me to drink!
GUB
ps... just curious... why would he lie to me about how he got his rib injury? He first told me he strained it lifting weights... then (when it got worse) he admitted that he had been choking on some food at a PD training function and some guy grabbed him and gave him the hymlic(sp?). Separated a rib. H told me that he was too embarrassed to tell me what really happened the first time... just seems weird to me!
GUB