I am sorry to hear that your husband left, ideally temporarily. It sounds to me that there is a pretty fair chance he will return...provided that you show him that you commited to making it work and getting back in the swing of things. It's a matter of whether you can "get there" as it would seem you do not know the cause (other than perhaps stress, which I think can play a significant role) of your low libido. Although...our MC said he does not think my wife's issue is "low libido" or "mismatched libido", but the MC would not yet say what the MC sees as the cause until we have done some excercises (putting thoughts on paper). My guess is that it's that she does not feel taken care of enough; financially.
You are right in your assessment that men do feel frustrated and betrayed by the no sex situation. It definitely feels like being controlled...especially after carefree and frequent sex while dating and little/none after getting married. I see your point about the ultimatum, but I do not know that this would have really sunk in w/ you, unless he did actually leave. I can relate to him being "pissed off" because I am often there myself, although I'd categorize myself as frustrated because I do not exhibit negative behavior.
We too have gone through the BC, Thyroid, Hormone, MC routes. None have done much, if anything. The MC has helped some in that the MC is a referee as to what is "fair" and "reasonable". I do not get much from the MC, other than perhaps validation, which has it's merit - but does nothing to resolve the issue.
I think it's clear to my W that I cannot continue this way, but she just says there is nothing she can do except lay down and spread her legs - obviously these types of comments just further alienate and increase the divide between us.
I told her that via MC and church that I am trying my best to believe what she is telling me rather than what her actions show. Also that this is a very difficult task because everything in my gut, heart and head tell me she is not interested in me and I am wasting my time.
The best advice I could pass along to you would be to do some soul searching and try to get to the bottom of why you do not want to sleep with him. There may be a valid reason. Initially, you are having a knee jerk reaction to him leaving and trying to figure out how to get him back. Do not discount the possibility that you let it get this far because deep down you wanted out. Ideally, this is not the case - but you owe it to yourself and him to make sure you want back in or if you do reconcile without figuring it out, you'll end up right back in this same place down the road.
I have been away for a while trying to make some changes. While things appeared to be getting a little better, there was no real sex yet. We take a shower together sometimes, and occasionally takes that opportunity to take care of me, but this makes me feel like she does not want to have to actually let me truely touch her. We cuddle in bed, usually started by me, but when we kiss she seems to pull away most times. So I think she is just pretending more and more which makes things worse. Until she truely cooperates, and is actually intimate with me meaningfully for both of us, nothing will change. I am still ignored regularly, we never spend more than a few quality moments together, and I still have no interest in my previous interests. In a nutshell, nothing has changed. She still does not want to be intimate with me evne though she thinks I am foolish enough to believe she really cares. I am not falling for it. On the other hand I thought travelling with her would help me see what she is missing at home, however it is turing out to be a bad idea as I am getting the feeling I will be ignored in favor of friends and such that I dont know. Not much hope of any one on one time or physical time while there.
So, who knows, I guess I have to grin and bear it some more.
I am truly sorry you had trouble with your LD and your husband did not say there was a problem with it until it was too late. So in my case, it is a true lack of desire on my wifes part as I believe she lusts for another she can never have, but it may just be a severe distraction on her part in her interest in me. There is certainly NO emotional connection on her part. So I would have to ask you...even though you did not desire sex with him, was there a physical, emotional connection? In your husbands case....does he just desire sex or does he desire the emotional connection that sex brings? That is my and my wifes problem. It means nothing to her, but the closeness at the moment seems to mean everything to me. if you husband just desires sex and you can tolerate it, then you can fullfill his desires when you have the chance. If he desires the emotional connection, then you have to sore that out in your head before you attempt anything. If he desires the emotional connection, you may not be able to satisfy him.
In my case, the plane sex would help, but the connection is waht is missing for me and I cannot feel that from her until she is completely giving and not distracted.
We had a bit of a discussion but no change yet at all.
Any progress Truman? I am not sure what my wife could say she is unsatisfied with. I provide, give her just about whatever she wants, desire time with her, give physical contact to the point where i feel clingy, and take care of the home so she can do what she wants. Soooo, what she could be longing for can only be in her head. The only thing I can think is that we are not the most social people so we dont really hang out with friends and such so she may be missing contact with others, but she does not like to hang out with my relatives or anyone she nows locally since they are not interested in her obsession.
Konfused: Sorry I have not replied / 2 week absence. I started thinking that me coming here and complaining was doing no good - so I stopped. What I tried to overlook, but since surrendered to is that I do need an outlet to get these issues out of my head.
No changes on my deal, more of the same. My W remains out of town. I thought the distance might stir something up in her. She frequently says she mises me, but does not bring up any kind of sexual related discussion. I told her this a.m. that I just cannot continue like this. She is the one I want to be with, but if it's not mutual I need something else and soon. I have a meeting with the MC tonight by myself and I plan to tell MC that I cannot go on with this permanently. Pre-marriage was great and frequent sex and post marriage (from day 1) sex is maybe 1x every 2 months. Currently I think it'c coming up on 3 months for this spell.
Also I plan to discuss with the MC if it's ok that I cut her off. By that I mean defining who is responsible for what and just doing my stuff, giving regular monthly monies - but not one cent more, no extra help from me on her responsibilities and no help on managing her ex-h issues or anything else. Maybe some see this is wrong and I'd welcome your suggestions, but I feel I have to make some steps forward and see if she steps with me or we step in different directions.
