How do I fix my family and get my husband to come back home? My husband and I have been married for three years and together for five. We have a two year old son. After having Gavin, my son, I stayed home to take care of him since I am unable to have anymore children. Well I think that was a bad idea because I started dwelling on my life. We fought about finances so we never went out together. My 30th bday came up and I was so depressed. Thinking I wasn't good for anything. H and I fought, lost sexual desire, didn't have any us time, things were rocky. I found an old friend and he and I were hanging out. I found in him what I wanted/needed from my husband. To be fun, happy, loving. New Years the friend and I ended up fooling around and my H caught us. I was in shock as much as he was. H wanted to work things out and I wanted him to come home. I still did not feel right though about myself. I thought I might have fell out of love with him and thought that we needed to seperate so I can figure things out. I hate myself for what I have done to him. I was still talking to the friend and trying to sort though my feelings. The night my H moved out, March 1st, I knew I was making a huge mistake by letting him leave. I called friends and expressed that. After three weeks of being alone I realized how much I have missed him and how much I do love him so. I told my friend I did not want to speak to him anymore because my H and family was more important and I had to fix things. Well I called my H and explained to him that I want to work things out and he said he has a girlfriend now. I know he has brought her down to meet his family on Easter. I know who she is and she knows me. We were close friends but we hung out in the past. She is 25 and has a 4 year old daughter. Now there have been times that my H would call me and ask me to go shopping with him and he would come over and hang out with me and our son. Once his GF finds out he backs off and things are cold between us. He has called me and flirted with me. I am happy as can be thinking things are moving in the right direction then bam, cold shoulder. I dont know which end is up anymore. A friend told me my H asked him to tell me to move on. My friend told him to tell me himself he he means it. I have told my H several times how I feel, how I want things to change for his benefit and our sons's. He would sit on the phone and just listen and not say a work except he can't make that decision right now. Fine, talk all the time you need, but why can't he do it alone. I have bought the book DR and I am reading it. I also called once to speak to one of the counselors last week. I am so scared of making a wrong move. Does anyone have any other advise for me? I know in my heart he wants his marriage to work. He is a family man. His whole family is supporting me. My mom and friends too. I wish he would just talk to someone about all of this. How do I fix this???
Bonnie...Keep reading and you will soon figure out that the first thing that you need to do is make yourself whole again. You can not make him do anything. You are both obviously hurt right now, but you have a choice to make on how you are going to heal yourself. Until then, you will not be happy. Your number one priority HAS to be you and your child. Remember, your son did not be asked to be put in the middle of this. You are grown ups and you have the ability to make decisions for yourselves. Is it your goal to just get him back, or do you want to rebuild your relationship with him. Are you willing to do the work necessary? Until you can come to terms with yourself, the relationship will never work. NO RELATIONSHIP WILL EVER WORK FOR THAT MATTER.
Thank you for your post. I am healing myself little by little. It is hard. I started a new job in the same field I was in prior to having my son. I am accomplishing jobs that needed to done to my house. I am trying to take things day by day but it is hard when I hear from people that they have seen my H and the OW out when my H has our son and her child. They are going on like one big happy family. I don't like the fact that my H brings our son around them even though he probably doesn't know what is going on because he is only 2. Then a friend of mine talked to my H and apparently my H told him to tell me to move on with my life. It crushes my heart knowing that. How do I show him that things would be different if he reconsidered our marriage without sounding desperate?
You can TELL him all you want. It is only going to push him further away. You need to do this for yourself right now. He may look at you in 3 months and think, what the hell did I do. Until you do this, he will only continue to see you for what you are right now...a mess. Believe me when I say I know how hard you are struggling. I have been to the well of scum that lies below rock bottom. But I am making my way back out into the sunshine that is my life. You need to get a life. Act as if...do something to make you feel better. Take the focus off of him and sooner or later he will focus on you.
I haven;t read much of your posts...I think mine are scattered between infidelity and MLC...just do a search on my user name and it should catch you up...I am willing to offer you any advice I can...keep your chin up.
OK so I think things are going a little better but stil scared. My H text me a joke last monday and I responded not knowing he was texting everyone to stop sending him the junk texts since it is his work phone. It was a joke that had a question so I amswered. From that text on we were flirting back and forth for four hours and finally we were both heated up that we wanted to have sex. I suggested meeting me at the house and he agreed. I left work early and he showed up about 15 minutes after I got there. We were all over each other. I think it was the time we ever had. I stayed a little bit and walked around the yard as I was explaining the projects I was doing to the house. He offered to help. Our neighbor came over and greeted my H. My H had to go to a meeting so as he was saying goodbye to the neighbor I was walking to my car. My H came over and came me a kiss. I was in heaven. I did not expect that kiss at all. I thought things were going perfectly at that moment. Now meanwhile I told he didn't want anyone knowing. And I am guessing because he is still together with the OW. The rest of the week he was kinda standoffish. I had plans to go to the shore this weekend he apparently found out those plans because he mentioned them to me. I went to open up the shore house and visit his parents so they could be their grandson. My H's mom mentioned to me that she had talked to him on sunday and told him that she believes I deserve a second chance and that people change for the better. She said he mainly listened on the phone. I know his whole family is praying we get back together. They have told me that. So when I came home early sunday I text my H and invited him to go to a park with our son and he said he had already made plans but thanks for the invite. I think he is still together with the OW. It is killing me. Is there anything more I can do here? Should I write him a letter again expressing my feelings??? Or should I wait. I did buy a new bed this weekend and hoping it come in by wednesday so my H can notice it when he drops off our son this weekend. Maybe that will be more of a sign to him that I am really serious about wanting this to work out and I am willing to try anything. Is there anymore I can do here? Am I doing anything wrong? I appreciate all thoughts.
I think you are not doing anything wrong, but I would not really make what happened an issue. Don't write any letters, don't talk much about it. H knows how you feel, right? You don't need to pound it into him. I think this recent encounter may be him testing the waters and maybe it's best if he doesn't feel you testing back. I guess I think you should just hold off and see what happens next.
Hi, I'm not in the same situation as you, mine is much different...
But, from what you're describing it does sound like he may be considering things. My suggestion to you is play things very "cool." Try to be a good friend when you can (I think it's best if husbands and wives can be "best friends"), and since there's OW you'll probably have to let him come back on his own. Try not to scare him off, but be a very attractive, confident, happy, interesting woman. Someone any man would love to have in his life. Good luck to you!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
