My wife left me on may 4th at denny's she wrote a note because she could not say it. we have had some problems this last year but i kept trying to tell her that they were normal problems and I tried to go to therapy and she would not. we had a little blow out one day and she said that when her mother got her new place she was going to go stay over there for a while. I tried everything i said lets go out tonight and talk and lets try therapy because i think that all of our issues are communication. she said that she did not think that therapy would help and to much damage had been done. but i talked her into it and then she cancelled a few days later. I made a lot of changes on things that she had brought up as issues. but then her mother got her place and i realize now that she never stopped her plans. She just let me think that we were going to go to counselling soon and that everything would be ok ( boy do i feel like a idiot ). so she left and then i tried to send her flowers and everything and she said that i was not respecting her space. but i just did not want to give up i want her to know that this is not the answer to her problems and that i still love her. i tried to just engage her in friendly converstations trying not to bring up the issues to see if that would help but she said that i was being to nice and that she appreciated it but it was odd. I dont think this space that she has asked for is that at all she went online to her blog on myspace and changed her status to single she has been changing all of the bills and she even gave me back all of the pictures of me. but then i get confused because one night i get a call ( it had to be her no one else would have been able to get my cell phone number ) from a supposed secret admirer from work who wanted to go out with me. i told them that my wife had left last week and that i was not ready to give up on her yet. if it was a test i hope she heard what she needed to hear because it is the truth. so now i cant talk to her except for about the baby. and i just want to call her every night and say that i love her and i miss her. i dont want her to think that i am over here jumping up and down because she is gone. I am not perfect but my intentions were always good. after reading the first chapter of the divorce remmedy it makes me believe even more that there is hope but how if i cant talk to her or tell her about these things.
Sorry to here about your situation. You be good if you would put down some more details like kids or no kids, how long married...etc.. The first thing you need to do is begin to work on yourself first. This is not easy especially early in the process. Hang in there!
Get Divorce Remedy and Divorce Busting now. Schedule a session or 3-4 with one of Michelle's phone counselors. Eat peanut butter & jelly sandwiches for a year if that is what it takes to pay for it. The book advice is great, but it is golden with the help of one her phone counselors.
I wish I had found this stuff sooner myself. Be amicable because you have at least one child together from what I can tell from your post. Keep us posted.
Sorry we have been married almost two years september will be our anniversary our daughter will be three also in september. my wife will be 23 in august and i am 26. we have been living with my father which i think is a big factor in causing the riff i was tryingto save up for a house but we could never come together on the money issues. i see now that i should have just got an apartment but i thought i was making the right desicion for my family.
My wife had originally told me that she was going to think untill june 1st today she emailed me that after talking to her shrink whom i happen to know encouraged her to go through with the divorce because it is the easiest way to get rid of her stress that she is going to be ready to talk sooner and in that same email she had talked about splitting the cars again so this is over. but what can i do i can not afford to call this phone support i dont have that kind of money im going to by the book but what can i do i have made all kinds of changes since she left and i know that talking about them does not work but she is not even going to give me a chance to show her changes. i have realized that i had a computer addiction problem and that i was in denial she has some weight and self esteem problems and i have tried to help but nothing nothing worked and i cant lose her i feel like im going to lose my mind.
First of all, you should move over to newcomers. This area is not looked at very frequently. And you are still to new to this process. The desperation I read in your message is the same desperation that your wife can sense. It is not a good vibe to send to her, one that says you are desperate, out of your mind, and incomplete without her.
So, advice: 1. Go to newcomers (please use punctuation) 2. Try to get your mind off of this. Meet new friends. Have fun. Work on personal goals. Start the process of becoming complete without your wife. She needs/wants a man that is complete, composed, healthy, and happy even under these circumstances. Neediness is a turn-off, even in a decent marriage. Don't contact her until she starts contacting you.
3) Take your wife off that pedestal. She isn't perfect and neither are you. You focus on being the best you can be and if she doesn't return then it's her loss.
4) Read posts and post on other people's threads in order to get feedback.
That's it for starters. Better get cracking and setting yourself some goals.
Me
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
People who file for divorce don't always go through with it. Get Michelle's books & read them quickly. You can pick one up today at a large book store.
Keep things amicable. Go to mediation if the other choice is her going to get an attorney (don't let attorneys get involved if possible...it always get ugly then). Admit your problems and what you know have contributed to marriage problems without pointing out her faults.
Stay strong. Needy is not attractive.
Pray every day for God's grace and for happiness and for your child's well-being.
