I posted this on the Separation Forum, but thought I would get help here too. I am new to this site but I am looking for hope and support from anyone who will listen. I have been married 19 years as of May 2. I married my high school sweetheart and we have two beautiful children, S17 and D14. They are everything to us. Last May we were contacted about our upcoming HS reunion and my life has forever changed. What once was a family that did everything together has not turned into a family torn apart. My husband seemed to have a MLC and decided that he was not happy in his surroundings. I found out in Oct that he was having several conversations daily with an ex from HS. She lives about 280 miles away. He would come home from work, eat and then take a ride and talk on his cell phone every evening. The kids started to become suspicious of his behavior and I told him that he must stop. We tried counseling (3 sessions) right before the holidays but it was rough. The therapist from EAP gave me The Divorce Remedy and I read it and had hope. After an argument in Feb, he moved out. He has been gone since and has had little contact with the kids. It has been 10 weeks and he goes to visit the OW every weekend and does not call the kids. They are angry. I was served last week, I know he filed out of anger after my S confronted him and told him that he was a liar and a cheater. This week he moved into a small apartment with his sister and called me on Monday to talk about taking items from the house, kids and if we can work through the Divorce without it getting ugly. At first it was heated and I told him that I did not agree with what he had done and it was out of his anger and quick way to deal with everything. In the end he told me that this was not fun for him, he was moving into a hubble, sleeping on an air mattress and had been diagnosed with prostitis. Yesterday, after reading AMYC's prayer and talking to God and asking for reassurance, I received a text message from him asking if he could come over every afternoon to spend time with our D. I of course said yes, I thought it was wonderful that he was taking the initiative to be with her. We also text back and forth about our son later in the evening and it was nice to be able to discuss our children with him. We ended on a nice note. He says that he does not know if he could ever be intimate we me, he knows we can be friends and loves me but is not in love with me. He asked my D if I had a boyfriend and she said No, and he questioned her and then picked up my cell phone to see who I had been calling or who had been calling me. Is there hope even though we have filed? When I ignore him and refuse his calls it kills him. Any Suggestions?????
If you have filed can you unfile? That's a legal question. If you do not want the divorce then have you told him that? (without pleading) In the book 'Purpose driven life' one of the first items is 'It's not about you'. Hit me like a ton of bricks. Every MLCer needs to learn that or plan to sleep a lot of nights on the ground.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
I am sorry that you find yourself here. They will go back and forth about spending time with the kids or at least that is what has been happening with my W. She is going out of town this weekend with OM and will miss my S8's baseball game (which earlier this week she was complaining about needing to spend more time with him. But she also feels that she has not spend enough time with OM because they are living together not that far from our house. We are in the middle of getting divorced and I am trying to keep our house and the kids. I have faith that she will get through this and will want to be a part of our life again instead of just a vistor. I think that my WAW is having a MLC, but we have to learn to detach and work on ourselves. This is hard, because I have slipped many times myself because of how much I love her. I have told her that I forgive her and I am here for her (and left her in God's hands for now).
My suggestion is to leave this in God's hands. It's the est thing I have done. I feel more at peace, althought I do have my days. I believe that there is always a chance. My Ex H also told me "this is the hardest thing I have ever done". But he had not been happy for the last 20 years, and didn't want the next 25 to be the same. (we had been married for 27 years when he left.) I just keep"standing" for my marriage.
I gave my ex The Purpose Driven life, I dont' know if he read it, but if he did he saw the first sentence. "It's not about me".
