I need advice. On Thursday I told my H that I needed to move back in the house. He seemed very understanding saying that it is your home too. He did ask for a few days to "digest" it. He asked if I was thinking of moving in on the weekend and I said ASAP as my living arrangements now are not comfortable. We didnt talk about it again. On Sunday he asked me to a friends house for a BBQ. I went and when I was leaving I told him I would be back to stay at the house. I reminded him of our conversation on Thursday and left. I went to our house and he came home from the BBQ a couple hours later. He seemed pretty ticked off. He said nothing to me except hi. Then went to bed. He closed all of the bathroom doors when he wanted to shower in the morning so that I wouldnt see him. Its like I am a total stranger. I dont know if I screwed up but I was tired of living like that. I gave him his time to "digest" it and decide what he wanted to do.
The 3 months that I have been away nothing has changed for him. He has stayed in our house with all of our stuff and has him friends over and I still handle the bills. What has changed for him? Nothing. If we go on like that he would never realize what he is missing because he isnt missing anything. He gets to see me when he sees fit. I just didnt sleep all night because I felt so awkward in my home with my own H. He treated me like a total stranger that has come and invaded his terriroty. Any advice????
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
I dont know what was worse. Being separated or being back in the house with H. I made the decision to move back in because I felt like I was getting the short end of the stick. Making payments towards all of the household bills but being forced to live elsewhere. So I made the decision to come back. I did tell him he could do whatever he wanted to but he chose to stay. I dont think to work on it. I think to save money because he cant afford to pay two mortgages right now. Anyhow the silent treatment is killing me. I just want to scream at him. I am staying silent too. He gives me these looks like why the hell did you come back but he will not talk about the M. As always he ignores everything in his life that bothers him. I dont know what to do. Should I tell him to leave if he doesnt want to work at it or should I continue living in this silent hell. I found myself sitting in my closet for an hour the other night just so I wouldnt have to see him. This is awkward and uncomfortable. I regret coming back but its now a matter of principle. Any comments would help.
M12 Kids 2 ILYBINILWY 08/05 Reconciled 05/06 S07/12 Moved back 03/13 Separated Again 06/24/13 Back Again (his choice) 02/14 Leaving again 03/23/14 DIVORCED 02/15
Dear DFE: I new at thsi stuff, but have some thoughts for you. Your tone seems very aggitated and resenful towards him. I understand, you are human. However, I need to point out to you that most of what you wrote was critisism of him. What about you? What have you done to work on the marriage? Did you move back to work on your M or was it becasue you resent paying the bills and his enjoying the house? You need to be honest with yourself. What is your goal here? If you want to work on your marriage and change your husband, then you must change your behavior. What's this with sitting in the closet? HAVE YOU EVEN READ THE DB BOOK? I suggest that you decide what you want first. If you want to fix your M, then purge yourself of all that resentment and do a 180. Why don't you cook him a nice dinner and invite him to a movie? Then do it again. He may be resistent at first, but if you persist, then he may start to respond positively. Read the BD book for Christ's sake and CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE.
