You can give her space by living in the same house, but different rooms. I hope you discussed that option. I hope the meeting went well, and that you had some answers to your questions. It seems as if your W is seeking some sort of fantasy life, which rarely pans out the way they hope.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
The meeting went as I expected. My W said that she is crazy about this OG and that she thinks she is in love with him and has actually seen him 3 times over the course of the last 3 months. I amazingly was very calm and kept my dignity. I owe a lot to Lori one of the DB consultants. If you have ever thought about using one of them I would highly recommend calling. I have decided all I can do is take care of myself and if it is meant to be it will be. My W said she is going to start looking for an apartment in the near future. She said she could not live at home because there would be too much guilt for what she has done to me. I am eager to see how quickly she files the divorce papers. My hopes are not set to high that we will work out because she is in fantasy land right now and I think the divorce process will be over with before she gets off of the roller coaster ride. I am hoping that she wakes up pretty soon but do not believe she will. Her family is as devastated as I am. I would appreciate it if all of you could keep me in your thoughts and/or prayers. I appreciate all of your help and will be checking in from time to time to see how all of you are doing and to update you on my situation.
Quote: My hopes are not set to high that we will work out because she is in fantasy land right now and I think the divorce process will be over with before she gets off of the roller coaster ride.
Well, for one thing, most A's last less than 6 months. Your W may be in fantasyland, but she's about to experience reality, and that will likely have an effect.
For another, you're only looking at one half of the equation. The OG could very well decide to end it at any point.
Your W does not sound like she hates you, so I think you will have a good chance to reconcile when the A ends. You are correct that you can only work on yourself, though. Best of luck to you and keep us posted.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Glad to hear you maintained. That is the most important part. You maintained and you listened. You were right to say that this meeting was one of the toughest things you would ever have to do and you did it very well.
You know now what you have to do and it's up to you to do it. Listen to your coach and the books and start to take care of yourself, you need that right now. Then you can see where you are at with W and proceed from there.
Quote: My W said that she is crazy about this OG and that she thinks she is in love with him and has actually seen him 3 times over the course of the last 3 months.
I would say that she is in a fog right now and her mind is living out the grass is greener fantasy right now. I think you said in an earlier post that He was an old friend??? Anyway, Hang in there, She has yet to experiance reality in that R with OM. Once reality sets in and they start to spend more time together, her feelings will change.
The best advice I have is to give her space and time, she is going to have to figure these feelings out for herself, and she will. As was mentioned to you in another post most A last less than 6 months.
Thanks for the support. I am just feeling down right now. She told me this morning that she has set up an appointment to speak with an attorney. Things are just happening so quickly. I feel everything slipping out of control. I have an inner peace but do not want this divorce at all. I wish I could wake up from this bad dream at some point soon. I believe she has been in her fantasy world for about 2 months now and that the divorce proceedings will take anywhere from 90- 120 days. I believe by the time she wakes up from her fantasy world that we will be divorced and it will be too late. I am just scared and feel like she is slipping away. I hope is well with all of you.
Dear Darbyg, I encourage you to keep your focus on the present. What is in your control right now is how you choose to make each moment with your W as successful as possible. It is tempting to imagine the worst and I believe that can't be too helpful if you are trying to hold onto PMA and stay focused on your goals! Don't let your worries about the future sabatoge your present, OK?
So, please practice stopping those thoughts and tell yourself to think about what you CAN do right now. (By the way, sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is to do very little or nothing - as you know from the success of your meeting with her.)
There are good people on the board for you and they are willing to help, so I hope you continue to gain some support here. I am gone for a week, but hope to catch up with you when I get back.
Take care and keep up your DB approach!
Laurie, Divorce Busting Coach Contact The Divorce Busting Center at 303-444-7004 or 800-664-2435 if you would like to schedule a telephone consultation with a DB Coach - or email virginia@divorcebusting.com for info.
