I have returned to read some and write a little. Have now been separated for about 1 3/4 years, but all is going well, especially with the help of an amazing Imago therapist. Get along quite well. I have hopefully stopped all controlling behaviors and she is learning to stand up for herself when need be. We still live apart but do many good things together and even spend intimate times together.
However, she still is reluctant to kiss and never mentions "love".
I was just wondering, from a woman's perspective, what precludes one from doing these important things? I don't even want to bring up the lack of these items, considering where we have been and how far we have come, but there must be some way to address these issues.
I went to an Imago therapist as well after going to a regular one. What a difference! She was the best! My H and I were separated 3 months and now back together 9 mos. He still will not say ILU until I say it first. He is reluctant. It is like he doesn't want to get close sometimes in case it doesn't work out I think. Just guessing. Once such a thing as this happens I think people are naturally cautious. If this had not or doesn't work out I have no interest in another relationship. Unless it fell into my lap, I would not look for one. I know that sounds sad, but this was very painful for me. I'm sure you understand.
Me 43 H 44 S-13 D-9 Separated 90 days 6/28/05 H Says he is done-10/2/06-day after 18th anniv Moved out 10/2/07-to father's house-day after 19th wedding anniv-GF now H Filed for D 7/08
I myself want to think that someday, provided that we continue to improve our relationship, the ILYs and kisses and hugs will come naturally. I won't just be waiting and she won't withhold. How does this happen? Why do we let it continue? Life is so short and yet we wait for better.
Is there anything that you have done that has moved the relationship forward to where it needs to be or does it just seem to have a life of it's own?
I feel that if I bring up the fact that she doesn't seem that interested or seems to give me just enough attention to keep me from moving on or filing, then she withdraws even further.
She wants me around, available, but then when we are together there is still an element of emotional distance that persists and is almost palpable. I just wonder when that will dissipate? I am a patient man, but I know that I can't wait forever.
