I don't feel I can beging DBing again until my H admits it was sexual not just emotional. I don't think that without the truth, I can ever trust him in the future. How do you begin to heal without the truth. How can you re-build a marriage without trust.
This seems like something very basic to be addressed by those at DB. I don't see anything about it in the book.
What is it that you think will be released in you by him admitting that it was sexual too. Do you know for sure that it was or is that just what you think?
I don't know for sure that it was sexual - all I have is hundreds of phone calls (5am, 1am) Him saying he was staying in a hotel for business in the city that he commutes to and for the snow days we had. His commute has been a hell for years. He also mentioned getting an apartment and staying in that city one or two days a week. Nothing concrete. He has said it was just emotional.
What I think will be released in me? The ability to start to believe in him, if he can open his heart to the truth, then I will know that he wants this to work.
I imagine that this is very difficult for you and I am really sorry that you are hurting this way. One thing is that you have to do what is best for you. You have to make decisions that you can live with. Letting go and moving forward even though he hasn't admitted to anything maybe makes you feel like you are giving in or something. Here he's the one going outside of the relationship and you have to forgive him for something that he won't even admit. Not forgiving only gives him more power over you. You have got to get to a place outside of him and everything that is going on where you can say to yourself, I am not going to allow myself to be broken down this way. The bad thing is that what if he really didn’t have anything physical. Your sanity and healing can’t depend on him. You have got to get yourself together in spite of him. You have got to keep moving.
My husband had an affair and he claims that it was only oral as if that makes a difference. Did I believe him that that is all it was? No way. It wasn’t easy and I spent many of nights crying myself to sleep when he didn’t come home. But then I got to the point where I felt that my peace of mind was more valuable then whatever he was doing. So I started pouring into myself. Not don’t go to the extreme that I did because not I’m so disconnected from my husband that I almost don’t want to be bothered with him at all. So don’t go to the extreme but just start doing things that will help build yourself up.
