I just wanted to drop you all some advice before I left town.
Do you all want to know why your marriages will never work out?
BECAUSE YOU STAY ONLINE AND ARGUE WITH A GUY LIKE ME ALL DAY!!!
Or a guy you think is like me anyway...
That's right...I love blowjobs, I'm happily married, I'm not an asexual and worst of all I'm an atheist.
Khap and I are not the same person, but we did work together. I'm not american and he's not middle eastern.
Some of you people have some serious anger issues to deal with...and Bartoman or whatever your name is. that Mary Magdelene line nearly knocked me out of my chair. Classic.
Anyway...no hard feelings. Take this as a lesson that if you're getting this mad on the internet. It's time to disconnect for awhile.
Some of you people have some serious anger issues to deal with...and Bartoman or whatever your name is. that Mary Magdelene line nearly knocked me out of my chair. Classic.
Glad ya liked it. My personal favorite was the 9963 years since creation for the King Crimson album. That was when I started to wonder. I figured a hard right fundamentalist would not likely listen to that "hippie music" to be able to call me on my sig.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
I'll bet his wife wishes he was asexual. Oops, I guess that was mean and angry of me. I guess he is right that I have lots of anger issues. LOL
Hey, that gives me a great idea. We could use this useless thread to post some more jokes. Make it worth something. Here's some of my latest:
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads: >> >> >>SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS >>HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION >>10 MILES >> >>He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought....Soon he sees another sign which reads: >> >>SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS >>HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION >>5 MILES >> >> >> >>Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: >> >>SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS >>HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION >>NEXT RIGHT >> >>His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: >> >>SISTERS OF >>ST. FRANCIS >> >>He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?" >> >>He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business...." >> >>"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, "Please knock on this door." >> >>He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door.... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway." >> >>He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign: >> >>GO IN >>PEACE. >>YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Hey on the newspaper bbs I post on we had a person who spent a year on the bbs, talking about some issues she was dealing with, even going so far as to call some other posters on the phone, only to have her sister come on and say that she had committed suicide. It was all an act. This guy is not in her league.
As a side note I'm sure he does like BJ's because I would imagine for a guy like this regular sex would have all the satisfaction of punching your fist through an open window, if ya catch my drift.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
George Carlin’s New Rules for 2006 > >New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn. > >New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout? > >New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards. > >New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men. > >New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done. > >New Rule : There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water. > >New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis. > >New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the a$$hole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge a$$hole. > >New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. > >New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your a$$. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high. > >New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too d@mned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show." > >New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two. > >New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie. > >New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting. > >New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands. > >New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
