yes, somethings I think that even though I am more sexual than she - and I tell myself that I would be doing A and B if I was with someone more my speed... at the same time, I think a lot of this IS ME. I think that I am afraid to step out of the closet so to speak and say "I like doing this or that" because I'm terrified that she will say "ick" or "that's weird" and then I will feel like some pervert or she won't love me the same or something like that.
And the weird part is that from what I've read on the internet my sex drive is pretty normal - I don't have fantasy that make you say "are you seeing a shrink" - they're more like "oh yeah, my wife and I did that last week..." so, I don't know why I am so afraid to open up - and yes, it is much easier to point the finger at her and say because of how SHE treated me...
also, sorry it took me so long to get back in here and post - I am swamped right now at work.
The main thing I'm trying to figure out is where the line is that crosses from "communicating about sex" and "telling you what to do" - since it's obvious we do not communicate and a lot of that stems from my wife's dislike for "telling me how to make love to her"
it was that she is a hypocrite a lot of the time. She treats me in ways that she would never allow me to do to her
Stop letting her be a hypocrite. When she does/is IMMEDIATELY say or do something(not something passive aggresive, or pouting) that lets her know it is not acceptable. ex. Hey..... YOU dont like it when I blah blah. So I expect you to hold yourself to the same standards.
Do not allow yourself to get dragged into a verbal battle. You will lose. (in more ways then one) Say your piece, and then end it.
if I do the same to her, she gets upset. SO WHAT. I am serious as a heart attack about this. SO WHAT if she gets upset or pissed.
Do you backtrack when she gets upset? Do you apologise everytime she doesnt like something. Do you apologise for comments, requests, actions, if they upset her?
She gets pissed that you miss the roving hoops? I find this comical. She should be pissed at herself for wanting something from you that she cant do for herself.
Sometimes everything is a one-way street with her. It will be if you let it. She has no problem letting you know how she wants to be treated. Maybe she is doing to you, what she wants from you. Hmmm.
I think that I am afraid to step out of the closet so to speak and say "I like doing this or that" because I'm terrified that she will say "ick" or "that's weird" and then I will feel like some pervert or she won't love me the same or something like that.
Bravo GS. Youve just made a very important first step. Seeing something IN YOU, that you have control over and can change.
The main thing I'm trying to figure out is where the line is that crosses from "communicating about sex" and "telling you what to do"
she will tell you where the line is. How? she will say NO unequivocally with every part of her being. Do what you want. Be daring. Be adventurous. If you have fear, anxiety, she will to. Lose them.
What is the worst that could happen? I would like to hear what terrible things could result from this, in your opionion.
I've said as much to my H. And his answer was no about the fantasies
Do you believe this?
I have no words of wisdom just throwing some empathy your way, for you and your W.
What could GS wife do to stop this ridiculous dance? What actions by her do you see as being destructive to his efforts?
We want it the way we want it and if it feels "off" we can lose desire, even HD's.
Hate to break it to you, but your not HD. Wanting what you want isnt very self aware, or useful. Knowing how you want it and being able to express it clearly to your H would be a good first step in honest communication. The comment 'take me like a man'
1 your H is a man, therefore the way he does it is how a man does it. 2. implies that your H isnt the man you want. Is this the message you are trying to send? 3 is very counter to other remarks --like-- respect me, listen to me, I dont want it all the time, and in general reacting negatively to the times when he does hesitantly 'take you'.
Make a decision. Be responsible for your own feelings.
