Exactly if you are in her face (not literally) everyday than what is she missing? Nothing. Back off and GAL. You are predictable right now and that's not good. Let her start to wonder what you are doing for a change. That will get her attention.
Quote: In response to questions. Months before the separation I had cut back on drinking. She noticed. She said it was great. But she still wanted out. I am still reluctant to drink a beer. I'm really taking my health seriously. It's better being sober. I do have religious beliefs. In the past few weeks I have been volunteering at church. I have taken a good look at myself and have made dramatic changes.
That's awesome! Right now, your W is probably seeing those changes and wondering if they are a temporary thing that you're doing to try to get her back. Show her that they are permanent by continuing to GAL and live your life independently of her.
If you keep pursuing her hard, she'll simply think that you'll do anything to get her back ... and then probably go back to your old ways after you get her. If you stop pursuing her, though, she'll be able to see that you made those changes for yourself, simply because you wanted to be a better person.
For myself, I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. The changes I made in my life after my W left have made me a much better person, and I wouldn't want things to be the way they were before her affair.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
Sorry to echo the other posters, but I have to say that you still feel the need to respond to everything she says or does and everything you say or do is to "turn the tables" on her or get her to see your point of view. I would venture to say that one of the issues in your marriage, at least from her point of view, is your need to always be right. If it wasn't before, it is now. YOU ARE NOT RIGHT. Nothing you say, think or do is "right" to her, and anything you think, do or say that is opposite of her thoughts, feelings or actions IS WRONG to her. The sooner you understand that, the sooner you'll get that arguments, texting her, leaving books, etc, all designed to get her to see things YOUR way (because after all it IS just your way, NOT the right way) are counterproductive in getting her back.
NONE of what we are telling you is written in stone. We are only relating what our experiences are and what the books say (not only DB/DR but others as well).
I hope your next post does not have anything like A friend mentioned that I may be coming off very needy and 'psycho' to her. So I text'd that I may seem needy and such but I am having fun with life. And I don't need her to feel great. There's plenty of women that'll be glad to be with me. She responded by saying...in it. I hope you find a way to do some things that do not involve this sitch. You really need that, but please, DO IT FOR YOU, do not do it because if your W finds out, she'll be jealous or angry or happy or whatever. Don't worry about what she thinks, and DON'T tell her you're not worried.
Ouch. But I do understand. You're right I have heard during the M that I would argue til I am called 'right.' I'll work on that and overcome. This will be harder than I thought. Even you noticed. Eesh. I wanna say I never thought but how can I deny? Anywho. Thinking I can kinda calm the fires I text'd "So things got out of hand today. I think. It was rough. I'm sorry it went that far. Tomorrow's a new day and a new beginning. Good night" I didn't expect or got a response. Then this morning. I wrote "Good Morning I hope you have a beautiful day." I figured it was just a sign of me being a bigger person and trying not to hold any grudges about anything. Now I'm not going to communicate. Go in the dark. But why not in a high note? By being friendly. I will continue to GAL. And not worry about what she thinks. That'll be hard. But I'll try. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. O man. hours seem like days. Days seem like months. I am starting to read through DB/DR again. Now things that didn't seem to relate to me the first times I read them relate to me now. Anybody ever read the ebook Stop Your Divorce? Comments on that? That was the first book I read which he recommended reading DB. And I got counseling from the counselor/author a few weeks back.
Question. My W and I have agreed to do our taxes together because she had surgery that we had to pay for would be a deductible. It turns out that filing together we would have to pay 550 bucks. But, if we filed separate I would get 500 back and she would have to pay 421. She 'wants' to now file separate if only I give her 421 out of my 500. I wanna meet the tax preparer (which happens to be a coworker of hers and is doing this at a cheaper rate) to see what's really going on. I really don't wanna give up the majority of my return. But should I to keep peace? I could really use that money to pay back my parents some of the money they've loaned me. What should I do?
Get the professional advice first, then decide. I hope you're not trying to be Mr. Nice Guy to get back in the loop again (forgive me if I'm off base, but you've established a bit of a pattern--you've admitted to being a bit of a control person too).
Get out of the loop. Stay out. Give her the space she needs. Get the space you need. L-e-t G-O! Let the professional sort out the taxes, and if you're feeling generous, let the tax person transfer the money to her account--don't follow up--don't snoop--don't contact--stay black-ops dark!
Do you mean that If I keep the money and she has to pay that's alright? She won't be totally upset in your eyes? If I let her have the money that she needs to pay would that mean that I'm "In the loop?" I'm totally confused. This tax guy is a friend of hers. Meeting him was kinda weird. He asked if we're going to get divorced. I said yeah with a I think I suppose kinda voice and tone. Then I told him that I'm there to talk about taxes and nothing else. Later on he asked me what I'm up to. I just told him that I'm working out but not mentioning the details like how much weight I'm using or that matter. But he's a buddy of my W's. I took my W2's from him to ensure that nothing would be done behind my back. I told him I'm gonna think about which route to go. He did emphasize that we should file separately and I pay my W back what she owes. I feel kinda pressured from him and my W. Either way. Without the pressure from them. What should I do to be sure that no more bridges are burnt?
I think what they are saying is handle you're taxes but leave it at that.
For what it's worth I have to say do not be selfish with the whole tax thing. You were living together all or most of last year right? I would think that both what is owed and what will be returned is at least morally 50/50. I do understand that it's hard when you don't have a lot but being selfish will not get her back. Good Luck
If I may add to this tax situation. My pop's is out of work and has been for the past 2 weeks. The company closed down. Plus we just found out that he's gonna have to go to a different city to get that heart surgery done. They could really use that money. I just text'd my W that I'm still thinking about the taxes and it would be nice to help her out but my parents did lend me alot of money and since my pop's is out of work and that trip coming up I'd like to pay them back. But I'll let her know. I'm leaning towards getting the money and giving it all to my parents. In 'Stop your Divorce' by [censored] it does say to be selfish about money. That my S would not hold that against me. She'd be upset but not totally pist to where that'd be another bridge burnt. You guys are the experts in my mind. Thanks for the past advice. Got any more insight?
