Thought it was time to start a new thread before the Loch-Ness showed up on my doorstep!
Wow. Yet another new thread. I've been at this now for a year and a half.
Successful too, I might add, for those of you new to my sitch.
Here's a little intro:
Me 44
SO 35
R1 3.5 yrs; lived together for 1.5 yrs
Bomb Sept. '04
I moved out out Oct. '04
SO has D15 who came to live with us
I have grown children, both married, 2 grandbabies
Reconciled and began R2 July '05
Thank you for the advice. Please read more into my sitch.
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
Not too much to update on right now. SO is in his dad-duty cycle, so we aren't seeing each other much. We do talk a lot every day, in IM's and on the phone. He's been sick the past couple of days, so his energy is pretty low. I've been encouraging him to take care of himself, and let him know I would have loved to have been able to "baby" him when he stayed home sick on Monday. I think this is something he likes when he's ill (can I get an AMEN from the Martians?!). It's not something I did in the past b/c he can be kind of grumpy when he's ill, so I would just always give him space.
Last week I had a health care appointment. I was past due for a routine gyn exam and have been having issues with my cycle since I turned 40. I thought I might be perimenopausal. It turns out I'm not, but my hormones are totally out of whack. I had an ultrasound to make sure there weren't any fibroids, which there weren't (thank goodness), so I opted to try a low dose oral contraceptive to try to get things back to some regularity.
While my uterus is still trying to sort things out for herself, I have to say that I noticed an almost immediate improvement in my attitude and mood. Not that I was in a poor mood or had a bad attitude before, but I just feel extremely positive about almost everything! I've also noticed an increase energy level, which I sorely needed to keep up with my schedule. So, in a nutshell, I've been suffering from low progesterone levels and I feel much better now, thank you!
I have not looked at the blogs anymore. I have to admit that at least the recent admonishments on my thread have at least made me think about it before I went there.
While I understand that those of you who commented on this have good intentions, I have to say I felt more than a little hurt. I'm still sorting out why. It's partly because I came here to vent so I would not do what I wanted to do (post anonomously on OW2's blog). I suppose it is also in part because I am embarrassed that I didn't not draw those conclusions myself -- that reading OW2's blog was in effect, snooping.
Obivously I still have trust issues with SO. I have made a conscious choice to trust him, but I'm not being very good about sticking to that. It's a "choice" I've made with some built-in "back-ups" and that is not really trust, is it?
I know Slowly's been dealing with some similar feelings in her sitch, with regard to her H reducing computer screens when she comes into the room.
Realistically, I know SO can go somewhere else and start an entirely new blog. He will do what he will do, as I will do what I will do. I am not accountable for his actions, but I am accountable for mine. I know that with the exception of my melt-down in June, I have done the right things, to the best of my ability, and I can live with the decisions I have made, the actions I have displayed, and the words I have spoken. In the end, I am answerable only to myself and to God.
Don't be too hard on yourself. The very same day I told you not to snoop, I did, and found some questionable emails, and the rest.....
I kept the promise for 3 weeks,and was doing well...I should NOT have snooped...in the end, even if H is lying, it's still not justification for me to violate his privacy. BUT...I see where you and I are....trust is LOW. We are in protection mode for ourselves. It's human nature to not put yourself into the same dangerous situation...it's why we have a memory.
Be forgiving of yourself. Just make sure that whatever action you take as a result of new information doesn't damage your R or take it in a direction you don't want.
You've been amazing in all that you've done and how far you've come...with such introspection, wisdom and real changes. Don't be so hard on yourself. It's OK.
I must say that you are a truly special person and just by reading and taking in every thing you have mentioned, Your SO is a very lucky man. Nobody is perfect but what makes a person perfect is the other person who compliments the challenges that the other might have.
This statement also goes out to Amyc-S&A-Lisa- & other strong women who have touched my life in some sort of way. Continue to pray and watch over me with guidance and wisdom with my sitch.
"A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue." Proverbs 17:27-28
Keep reminding yourself that you're finally in the 'real' DBing or R-work stage of this past year-and-a-half, M. If he does his share of the work, you both will be just fine. And my guess is that as long as you keep trying hard, he'll be pulled to keeping things healthy as well.
But you're right - you can't control him or OW2 or anyone, except yourself. Perhaps not snooping keeps one in a classy, respectable, Grace Kelly sort of place. Where no matter what happens, you'll be fine because of who and what you are.
I'm glad that you figured out a way to improve your health. And that the happy pills have you dancing pirouettes. J/K!
