Last night I made an attempt to get some things going in the bedroom, especially after all the conversations around here last week!...
But anyway, I am working away at what I thought was some nice foreplay and for once I think I may actually get somewhere. It appears like my wife is actually enjoying this and I am thinking all is well and good, and we may actually ML. Suddenly, out of the blue, she sighs a bit, reaches over to the bed side table and gabs her book, and starts reading... READING.. WTH?! When I got a bit irritated at thie sudden shift in mood, she said that she knew I didn't like to be vocally rejected and didn't want to make me feel bad, so she thought she would try something a little more subtle..
What!? Any other HDers on here experience some unusual turndowns from their LD spouce? This was by far, one of the more surreal things I have seen lately. I think I would rather hear the normal "I have a headache" lines than let me get so far and then... grab a book. I was astounded!
Anyone expereince anything... even remotely like this..
Yeah, I feel like a quality guy this morning.. having THAT effect on my wife...
That was very rude. One time H and I were engaging in oral and I noticed his attention was not where it should have been. I looked up and he was watching the TV. I reached for the remote and turned it off, he reached for it and turned it back on. I ended up leaving the room totally and him coming in the other room about a half hour later wanting to resume, I told him no, its too late now. Go watch some more TV.
Did you have a conversation about her book reading later on?
Rude. Insensitive. And some other adjectives that would just end up censored.
I'd tell her that you deserve to be treated with respect and courtesy, and that her behavior was totally unacceptable. If what you're doing to her isn't what she wants, she needs to ask you, respectfully, to stop, or she needs to request something specific.
If you approach your W in the manner hairdog suggests you'll both be doing a lot of reading!
I don't disagree with him. An employee you can treat this bottom line way...but not a wife! Well, you can treat her this way but it sure won't help her to warm up to you.
You should bring it up. Don't just sweep it under the rug. That is always the wrong thing.
Don't be angry about it. Try not to take it personally and realize there are things going in her. I know that's easy to say and much harder to do.
Tell her how it made you feel and ask her what is going on. It is not even good etiquette...HG! It is rude!
I have been there...never read a book though. But just as guilty. If she loves you as I loved my H she is just living in Selfish Land! She's not in the mood and not gonna let herself get in the mood.......she has no clue.
HELP to clue her in! Don't run to your cave and not bring it up.
I like one thing that NOPS said..somewhere...the difference between HD and LD....chemicals! Some of us just have to stir them up while others are always on the run!!!!
I'd interpret this: " she said that she knew I didn't like to be vocally rejected and didn't want to make me feel bad, so she thought she would try something a little more subtle.." as projection BIGTIME.
If I were you, I'd hear: *She* doesn't like rejecting you vocally because it makes HER feel bad (embarrased and ashamed about sex, like a bad W, frigid, etc...) so she thought she would avoid the whole thing by reading.
Really. It is just this kind of crazy stuff that comes out of people's mouths when they are projecting like mad.
I agree with others about the importance of being direct, standing up for yourself, and not avoiding confrontation on this.
What about (1) being direct about your feelings and (2) asking for what you want? "Honey, I was incredibly hurt last night when you picked up the book. I felt like my wanting to share intimacy with you and my approach to it were worth less than yesterday's garbage to you. I don't think you meant to hurt me, but I felt emasculated and unimportant. I am a good husband and a caring lover and I deserve to be treated that way. So, I would like you to be honest and direct with me regarding intimacy. Last night, I would have much preferred a "sweetheart, I do not want intimacy right now" or even better a "sweetheart, I crave intimacy but I'm frustrated, let me help both of us by showing you something." "
Sure, that would be a little rehearsed, but something sincere that shares how you felt and asks for what you want is definitely in order, I'd say.
Anyway, maybe if you can hear it as projection it won't hurt as bad and you can see some of her pain a bit more. In any case, clearly, you deserve better.
Were I you (and a male), I would have ripped the book out of her hands, thrown it across the room, and given her the most aggressive kiss I was able.
You are being too passive. How, I am not sure.
Someone on this board mentioned a 'throw down.' Seems to me your wife is craving this.
Yes, it was rude. But yes, this was a test. One of those in your face, slap you with it test that BF is talking about. How could humor have saved you?
Now. The moment has passed. You've had time to think on it. What would you do differently? Perhaps tonight... you can hand her Webster's Dictionary and tell her to look up erotica words as you proceed to go down on her????
Use it to your advantage, kiddo. I know it hurts... but turn the table. Best defense is a great offense.
Quote: When I got a bit irritated at thie sudden shift in mood, she said that she knew I didn't like to be vocally rejected and didn't want to make me feel bad, so she thought she would try something a little more subtle..
Yeah, subtle as a sledgehammer
Rejection is rejection, however you do it. I read your post and went 'OMFG, unbelievable! Not even I would do that'(I can roll my eyes pretty good though ). There is obviously a huge communication problem between you guys if your wife thought the only way to not hurt your feelings was to pick up the book. Hmm, actions speak louder than words. Then again, maybe she did want to hurt your feelings...sorry, had to put it out there.
It can't come quickly enough
And now you've spent your life
Waiting for this moment
And when you finally saw it come
It passed you by and left you so defeated.
Scissor Sisters - 'It Can't Come Quickly Enough'
All I can say is that I am so sorry for your W's response. I think it was rude and darn near inexcusable. FWIW - I know someone whose W actually twiddled her thumbs during the act. Can you imagine?
Wow, if I ever want to really hurt someone and make him feel worthless, I've just added a new idea to my repertoire (j/k).
I cannot even fathom the mentality of someone who would treat her H like this. And her "explanation" is, if anything, worse than (or at least as bad as) the original action.
You deserve to be treated -- as I'm sure you know -- a lot better than this.
). There is obviously a huge communication problem between you guys if your wife thought the only way to not hurt your feelings was to pick up the book. Hmm, actions speak louder than words. Then again, maybe she did want to hurt your feelings...sorry, had to put it out there.