My h and I spoke today, we have been separated for 7 months, and it left me anxious, tense and sad. I know that we have a long ways to go but I wonder if it is worth it anymore.What is it like to keep working on your marriage? Is it as excrutiating as it feels to me? I have been married for almost 20 years and I really need to see my side of the pain. Of course his is easy with infidelity but when I look at how much I let him impact how I feel instead of just discusing something like sharing info, I can't seem to do it. I didn't say anything wrong today I just felt horrible when I got off the phone. I don't feel heard or cared for in this relationship and we have tried so many things. We have 2 kids and that is the only reason I even consider moving forward. Any thoughts? Thanks
I don't really have any thoughts because I am no where near the point of reconcilling. Don't know if I will ever be. But I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this pain you feel. Just keep coming here and venting and letting it all out. Even if no one responds, it does help you feel better.
First of all sorry for meeting you here! It is always sad to meet someone new on this board! There are many people here that share your pain. I would like to get more details on your sitch.
Don't feel bad or guilty about how you are feeling personally. From the sounds of it your H had an affair and that is a horrible thing. You can't control what your H is doing, and like many of the people on here will say is you have to detatch and GAL f your own. That is such an easy thing to type but it is so hard to do in real life. From recent personal experience once you are able to except both consequences..recounciliation or divorce....it becomes easier to detatch.
Tim
my story http://www.divorcebusting.com/ubbthreads/showflat.php?Cat=&Number=1049617&page=&view=&sb=5&o=&fpart=1&vc=1
Thanks for caring. I have been in a long battle with my h and since we are separated I have been trying to look at my part. One of the things that has gone on in our marriage is that he is cold, distant and not very thoughtful, this is of course on top of the 2 affairs and several emotional affairs. He is supposedly clean and I will start counseling with him in a month if he is completely free of all women stuff. He is not currently in an affair that I know of but of course we aren't living together. It would be hard as he is with our kids 5days a week at night for a couple of hours. My problem stems from their being so much pain between us that I get controlling and feel unloved by this guy. He has been reading db and doing the dark thing I can tell. I want to scream because he has been dark our whole 20 year marriage. He needs to come into the light. Again focusing on him and not me. I need to look and see what I can do to make him feel less controlled and more cared for. It is so hard when I don't feel loved much at all. We shall see what happens in a month or so. Thanks again for caring,
