Well, I *feel* happy. Things that normally would get to me don't bother me. I put on my ipod and dance while I'm cooking. I make jokes and have fun with my son. I reach out more to people, arrange to do things. I don't worry as much. I feel better about myself. I can accomplish more.
Is that the kind of thing you're looking for?
Sure, it's your happiness. So... I know what you DO when you are happy, I know how you ACT in expression of that happiness... but what is the impetus of your happiness? What has occured that makes you FEEL happiness, and therefore act and do things in expression of that feeling?
Quote: Sure, it's your happiness. So... I know what you DO when you are happy, I know how you ACT in expression of that happiness... but what is the impetus of your happiness? What has occured that makes you FEEL happiness, and therefore act and do things in expression of that feeling?
Ok. So what kinds of things make me feel happy?
accomplishing something at work, finding some extra money stashed in a coat I haven't worn in a while, hanging out with my son, compliments, a clean, neat house, cooking a good meal...
I don't know. Really, most of the time when I'm happy, it isn't really connected to anything external. It's more a happy feeling inside that doesn't seem to have much to do with the world around me.
For example, I usually wake up happy and feel happy from about 6:00 am (or whenever I wake up) until, say 9:30 or so. Then, thoughout the day, (whatever the day's events) I become more and more depressed until I hit bottom. The only thing that makes me feel better is to go to sleep.
Basically, though I'm more or less functional -- lots of things that *should* make me happy, in fact, stress me out or disappoint me. For example, hanging out with *friends* or winning a case or buying something for myself that I've been wanting or going to the gym.
Somehow, I feel that I'm missing your point. But for me, it mostly seems that happiness (kind of like sadness) just washes over me in waves, without any particular rhyme or reason.
Obviously, in the past, there have been events that have made me very unhappy. It's hard to think of any specific event that made me happy.
So what you are telling me is... you really feel that 'happiness' is something over which you have no control? It just shows up and goes away, depending on your day?
Would it be a fair statement to say that the 'external' world governs your internal state of being?
There are no right or wrong answers here. It is important to determine where you are on the spectrum.
Quote: So what you are telling me is... you really feel that 'happiness' is something over which you have no control? It just shows up and goes away, depending on your day?
Yeah, that's it exactly. Happiness is just something that's *there.* Or not. It's kind of like my internal weather. Some days it's cold, sometimes it rains for weeks, sometimes the sun hurts my eyes, sometimes I can't see anything because of the fog. But I can't predict it. And I certainly can't control it. And (it seems) that nothing that happens in the real world can change it much.
Quote: Would it be a fair statement to say that the 'external' world governs your internal state of being?
No, it's almost the opposite. It's as if the external world very rarely has any influence on my internal state of being.
or maybe, to put it a little more accurately: I feel as if sometimes the external world or real events can make me unhappy (though often my unhappiness is mostly or wholly self-generated.
But I rarely (never??) feel as if external events can make me happy.
Quote: or maybe, to put it a little more accurately: I feel as if sometimes the external world or real events can make me unhappy (though often my unhappiness is mostly or wholly self-generated.
Hm. Interesting. So you are saying that your natural 'state of being' is happy and peaceful, and the external world and its events can throw your natural state into kilter.
And because the world is an unpredictable place, it is impossible for you to determine how your happiness and peace may be affected on any given day.
Would you say this is accurate? Don't worry about me... I'm just trying to crawl into your head and get a good idea of how you view all this. I do have a point, believe it or not, in asking you these questions. I just need to be sure we are seeing this in the same way before I get to it.
Quote: So you are saying that your natural 'state of being' is happy and peaceful, and the external world and its events can throw your natural state into kilter.
And because the world is an unpredictable place, it is impossible for you to determine how your happiness and peace may be affected on any given day.
This is close. Very close.
But I think instead of saying that my natural state is "happy," it's more like my natural state is "calm" or "content." Anyway --something a little less than "happy."
But I do have bursts of happiness that seem to come out of nowhere, in that they're unrelated to any real event in my life.
And I also have waves of unhappiness, or even depression, that wash over me -- sometimes they're connected to real, external events, sometimes (probably more often than not) they're not.
I am so eager to see where you're going with this.
In order to 'fix' yourself, a person must be in a place of understanding that this ability is completely within your realm of control. Given what you've said here, and things previously discussed... while I know you would understand this concept on an intellectual level, and probably be able to effect change (or follow direction) on an intellectual level... at your root level, I see you as somone who pretty much feels she is at the whim and mercy of emotions and circumstances -- and 'life' is completely beyond her control.
Emotions and States of Being are completely and utterly governed by you. An external event may occur, and you may feel an emotion such as 'anger,' an initial impulse or reaction to an event... but the life span of that emotion and any of your subsequent actions or reactions that emotion spurs is strictly yours to control.
While emotions can be barrometers of your internal environment, it does not mean they get to govern the world of you. They don't get free rein in your life. Emotions can be tricky... for you must first determine if a felt emotion has occured first, and then is being recognized by the mind, or if the thoughts of the mind are spurring the onset of certain emotions.
That is why I asked you 'how do you know when you are happy.' Happiness, in and of itself, is not a 'starburst' emotion. Happiness isn't even an emotion. It is a state of being created from the center of calm and contentment of which you speak.
We all understand that living a life of peace is not living a life absent of conflict. Rather, peace is a 'state of being' amidst conflict. It directs and governs all personal action and reaction, regardless of outside events and circumstances. It is a means by which your mental/emotional activities work harmoniously together in the realm of mind/body/soul.
Ummm... I'm mostly with you. I guess you're right in that I do feel that some emotions are not within my control.
For example, the deep depression I felt after hearing about Steve and Sarah. I didn't feel like I controlled it. On the contrary, for several years it felt like it controlled me.
Of course, I could control my reactions to it -- to some exent anyway. But sometimes I would burst into uncontrollable tears or feel an overwhelming lethargy that just wouldn't go away.
Or, still using the Steve and Sarah example, there were times when I tried to make myself feel angry at them. But I just couldn't.
Or, using a milder example, sometimes, for no apparent reason, I'll feel blue and sad. I can control my actions. I get up, I go to work, I smile and say hello to my co-workers, I show up in court and say the appropriate things to the judge. But, underneath it all, I feel this vague sadness that I can't make go away.
I'm low on energy, so I struggle with 'pointing' the way to you, instead of just giving you the roadmap. So my next piece of advice may fall shallow, because it is indeed the roadmap, instead of the compass. But I don't want to leave you hanging.
You need 'spiritual' development. Not talking 'you need to get religion,' or start going to church every Sunday... tho that may be it for you.
You need to meet and become intimately familiar with this part of yourself. Find your spiritual path.
I just need to be sure we are seeing this in the same way before I get to it.