Pennies in the Fountain of Serenity

[ACJ]

Hope,
I lost track of your post for a few days but I can see that in that time you have come on in leaps and bounds! I'm really pleased for you and can't wait to be in a similar postion myself.

[hopefloats7]

Alison,

Thanks for your encouragement, although you probably didn’t read my post from today—which isn’t so promising. I mean, yes, it does seem H. is trying to pull himself out of o.w.’s life but she is manipulating the situation and it angers me greatly. I know there is literally nothing I can do about it but I wish it were easier for him to just walk away from all that.
Sorry for “typing out loud” here. I’m just frustrated.

[ACJ]

I did read your post from today and although I can see it is frustrating I can also see that compared to two weeks ago where you were ready to file for D that you have come a long way. I agree you are not out of the woods yet but I can see a clearing coming your way.

[c1t]

Hi Hopefloats

I have had to join into your thread as reading back over your posts I cannot believe similar our situ's are..
The things your H has said to you such as 'not ready to come back - right now' etc etc is like a mirror of my H...

My H says the same, he also will not give up seeing OW... in his words - at the moment !!
But he also still wants me in his life...

It is so frustrating, but the best thing is to GAL as much as possible...

I have found that the best way not only for myself but in seeing my H come closer to me

[hopefloats7]

Thanks, Alison, and I’m sorry for misunderstanding.
I know I need to exhibit more patience right now, but darn it, I’m human and I’m so frustrated with this situation. I will try to do better, let go, and relax. It’s hard when you can clearly see your H. being manipulated, and if that could stop, he might be more inclined to get his life—his real married life—back on track.

[Again!]

Hope
My last post was pretty short and self absorbed. Sorry.
I am just coming out of my personal turmoil. - well not really but I am trying to realize that I am not the center of the universe.
Hope, honey you can do this, you can stay the course. I will not jump on you, I will not say and those things that you expect me to.
You can see your own positives. he is talking to you about your R- do you remember the days when we discussed how difficult it was to bite our tongue, how we were tempted to just ask and push our H's into the corner? We agreed better to wait it out than to hear anti-R/D talk D. You have cleared that hurdle. He is moving through to a new phase, he's not home yet, but he is moving through and he is talking to you about it. you are not just sitting on the sidelines watching a game you've never seen b4. I know that you are still on the sideline, but he's starting to explain the game.
That's twice now that you have made me envious.

[hopefloats7]

Shocked & c1t,

Thank you for posting. Shocked, please don’t apologize for being upset when you posted! I know you are dealing with an awful situation right now. I keep praying for you.

I do remember the days when we couldn’t bring up our R. It seems more often than not now, it’s H. who brings it up. And then sometimes it’s not even to talk about us; it’s to talk about him and o.w.! How crazy is that?

I went home on my break this morning to check on puppy, and H’s car was at the house. ????? I went inside, and he was sleeping in the family room with puppy on the sofa. He heard me come in but was really sleepy so he didn’t get up and we didn’t really talk. I just left him alone and did a few things before coming back to work. He is off today and still not feeling well. I found it interesting that he chose to come over to our house to sleep instead of going back to where he lives. He did say we could go to the gym later tonight, so perhaps he’s avoiding driving all the way back to where he lives only to come back to get me later.

Over the course of the last week, he has been SO incredibly back and forth about everything. People say to watch their actions, and not to listen to their words.

Right now the man who told me he’s not coming back is at our house asleep on our sofa.

[hopefloats7]

A little update:
H. was still sleeping when I took my lunch break and stopped by the house. I did my own thing, leaving him alone to rest.
He woke up shortly after and ate some lunch. He seemed very tired but we were talking and it was cordial. No mention at all about what we talked about last night.
Turns out, he had to go back out to his part time job this afternoon, so I think that’s why he came back to our house rather than to drive back to where he lives this morning (saving time, gas, mileage). I had wanted to see it as a positive but I really don’t think it was. It was a matter of convenience.

He got ready at home, and I hope he noticed that his toiletries are all still in the bathroom. As far as what we were going to do later tonight, he said we’d get together tomorrow night instead. No hug goodbye before he left; he just said he’d call me later.
I need to detach again; this isn’t good for me. It’s so easy to slip back into the damaging behavior for the LBS. Maybe it’s good that I won’t see him tonight.

I guess I’m wondering how H. will ever fully cut off o.w. and their R. I mean, honestly if he and I were ever to have any shot, he would have to do this. So how does that work for the WAS’s that actually do come back to their spouse? I can see H is not at that point yet, and maybe he won’t be for a long time. Sometimes, it seems so impossible that he and I can be together down the road.

[ACJ]

Patience is the watch word here Hope. I know how frustrating it is but from what I've read this is classic MLC behaviour!

[hopefloats7]

Alison,

Thanks. I know; I'm back to reading more about MLC.

Something that bothered me:
The tone of H's voice when he spoke to o.w. on the phone. (also, I'm very surprised that he knew I could hear him and didn't seem to care). He was very sweet-sounding, very gentle natured. There was a happy lilt to his voice that I rarely hear, ever. I guess he's saving his gloom for when he talks to me?

I really did try to push him to her last night; I told him if he's that involved with her and the child, he should just go be a part of their lives. But he said that's not what he wants. Well, then he should stop playing games with this little girl and break it off, and stop telling o.w. that she can call him anytime her daughter is crying for him (which I think is a bunch of b.s.).

How did my H. end up in this mess? He is tangled up with a very needy and manipulative person and it scares me, quite frankly.